Last year, I had weight-loss surgery. I plateaued due to emotional bullshit after the initial 100-lb. loss. I still have another 100 lbs. to go, but it's not a huge focus for me right now. I have bigger health-related fish to fry. I was celibate for over two years, and the first guy I get with after that hiatus infected me with a gift that keeps on giving. My "here's your sign" moment was when I endured my initial outbreak and honestly, strongly, considered suicide. It'd been a while…Continue
I need to write this.
I need to get this toxic sludge out of my system.
I need to watch the murky, black, hateful thoughts and memories leave my mind. I have to purge this bile from me. And then perhaps, perhaps, I will be granted a slight unconscious reprieve from the wretched menu that this week has presented to me.
On Monday, it was a roller coaster. The high hill being that I found out from a school I'd interviewed with, and with whom I…Continue
I'm sitting here, ill again after having eaten too much too fast, and thoroughly hating myself and hating my life.
I regret having had this surgery. I don't give a damn about losing weight anymore. I don't care about any of it. This entire summer has been spent with me either laid up in bed because of my back and hips, or nauseous, or on days where I'm truly lucky, I'll have both going on. This summer has been a waste. I have been such a lackluster mom. My daughter is so patient…Continue
I'm three pounds away from my first mini-goal of (at or below) 300. I'm numb to the volume of that number, but I know that most normal people are not.
On April 13 of this year, I received the roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery, having approximately 80% of my stomach detached and the remaining approximate 20% reattached to a lower part of my upper intestine (or something like that). Simultaneously, I also lost possession of my gallbladder.
For a long time, I was hellbent…Continue