I meant to keep a lifelong journal. It was going to be lists, such as a list of every book I read or every movie I've seen. 

It was going to have a log of every trip I took with little notations about the weather that day. It was going to mention every dinner and what was eaten.

It might be an interesting piece by now but it didn't happen.

I thought at one time for some reason that it would be helpful to have kept track of all that.

The stuff of a screwball.

Now I find myself more disinterested than ever at what has preceded. Maybe this is part of reaching a certain age, when friends and relatives have passed, and the knowledge that most of what will happen yet hasn't anywhere near as long to be remembered as things that have happened and can still be recalled or have long since disappeared. Anyway, I like the Vaseline and gauze on the lens I use to look backwards in time.

The bookshelves here are full. I'm not likely to read the books again, but sometimes I glance at them. Mostly I glance at the binders and the titles. The next house, following this one of nearly 40 years occupancy is in escrow. I'll give myself 3 years to glean those things which are valuable or stimulate a memory, then that's it.

There is a fabulous library just 5 blocks from the intended retirement house. There are bookstores and cafes within walking distance. Nature abounds at the locale and I may end up finally feeling settled.

The demographics say I'm leaving an area that is primarily Democrat and headed to one that is far more balanced. I don't actually care because I keep my opinions to myself for the most part.

There is too much wrangling everywhere to feel at peace.

I am choosing to put that behind me I hope.

I don't want to argue.

Because the coffee hasn't kicked in yet.

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Comment by Anna Herrington on November 21, 2017 at 9:09am

I've been thinking of you lately as there haven't been so many posts about the plight of Ptld. since this horrible summer...and one our sons has just moved up there...and I've been wondering how it's been for you up there these days. then today I read this:

"The next house, following this one of nearly 40 years occupancy is in escrow."

You've made a move!!!!!! Congrats to you and yours and good luck on the rest of the process going smoothly - are you changing cities or just locales? How exciting! I'm very glad to know this is happening for you, you haven't been comfortable where you are for a long while, it seems.

...and as for the past, I've noticed the heavy issues that hang around from the past disappear if I write about them, pin them down - and the rest is just pleasant and fuzzy background. I don't need the details anymore - and the present is enough. Glad to be alive each day.

Comment by koshersalaami on November 21, 2017 at 9:31am

I once tried an online list of everyone I could remember seeing in concert. It might help me remember, but who else would it matter to? My daughter certainly won't care. My nieces probably won't either and the nephew who might have cared died earlier this year. 

I guess what makes it important is either what these experiences have made you or what they help you teach. Past that they resonate for you and you alone. 

I have a recording from September. I was playing at a music festival in North Carolina benefitting the local food bank. After the main stage had to stop at 11:00 because of the neighbors, there were a couple of mostly acoustic sets amplified with a single central studio microphone aside from keys and bass which had to be amplified to work at all. We kept the audience cheering to a minimum because the neighbors complained. I played in the final set. It was one of the more magical experiences I've ever had. I walked off the stage feeling that life owed me nothing. 

I was so anxious to hear the recording. It's far from perfect. I wanted to see if it could capture the magic. The answer is no, it couldn't. A listener who wasn't there wouldn't necessarily find it special. What it could do is help me remember the magic. which was partially situational. 

And that's what's true about the things you wanted to write down. Unless we're Jack Kerouac, we don't bring everyone else on the road with us. Well, Rodney did the other day, and JMac has dozens of times, but the lists themselves don't. They're for us, and when we're not there, they aren't for anyone I guess.

Comment by Steel Breeze on November 21, 2017 at 9:35am

answer;nah...

Comment by Arthur James on November 21, 2017 at 10:01am

`

alsoknownas?

Ass? noi read Ya's

last deøted `?`

deleted comments?

NSAhas thyme?

Herbs? and

archives 

Ya's

notrbook

&

deranged

Diary?

goat milk?

Huh? Ya's

ill-foulest

nasty

comments

& deletions

of other

blogger

commenters

`~`~

?

``

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huh?

Comment by alsoknownas on November 21, 2017 at 11:14am

Anna,

I'm hesitant to jinx things.

I'll say this much. It's a three year plan. 2nd house at the coast. 

I've been very active in community groups but have found the livability issue here to be so greatly diminished that I have decided on another phase of life.

Thanks for reading and writing.

Comment by alsoknownas on November 21, 2017 at 11:26am

K/S

I agree. Who would care? it might have helped to jog my memory some when wanting to write but I get where i'm going usually without notes.

Steel Breeze, Thanks for stopping by.

Comment by alsoknownas on November 21, 2017 at 11:28am

Art James,

I'm going to let that stand awhile. probably not all day.

It shows once again I needn't do anything to provoke you.

As for me not understanding you and deleting. That's not it. It's because I do understand. 

Comment by cheshyre on November 21, 2017 at 2:30pm

If it's important to you then it's important, absolutely.

Comment by Rosigami on November 21, 2017 at 3:03pm

I like your plan, alsoknownas. 
We are thinking of something similar for the future, which for us is probably about 5 years away. 
We love the house we live in but realistically the stairs may well become an issue at some point. Not yet, though. 

As for lists and memories, I've tried to keep journals and never succeeded. 
I think about what I might leave behind of any interest to anyone, and can't think of too much really.
I don't even know where two of my kids are anymore, they've both moved since they stopped talking to me, and their dad doesn't want to "share". Nothing I can do about that.
The third kid and I are in touch very often.
She can do whatever she likes with my paintings and any other material possessions that are left. 
It really doesn't matter. 
That might sound all gloomy and boo hoo hoo poor little old me, but it's actually not.
I intend to live my life with optimism and joy until it's over. 

Comment by alsoknownas on November 21, 2017 at 3:24pm

Rosi,

 I understand. It sure doesn't sound gloomy to me. More matter of fact.

Beats being a crazy delusional person.

Speaking of which I see the demented pigeon has flown by for about the 6th time to crap on my stuff. Time to clean up.

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