Wisconsin Man Starts Drinking After Getting Locked in Beer Cooler: Police have cited a Marshfield, Wisconsin man who started drinking beer after becoming trapped in a Kwik Trip convenience store’s walk-in beer cooler after sales clerks told him they couldn’t sell him any alcohol. Oh come on, what’s the problem? I mean, the guy dutifully refilled all the beer bottles while he was in there. Its simply a case of “when life hands you a well-stocked beer cooler…” If you ask me, the judge ought to rule “case closed!” Or, at the very least - case empty.
Astronomers Spot Unknown Object Flying Past Earth: In what is being described as an incredibly unusual event, astronomers in Hawaii say they’ve spotted a very strange object being propelled by the sun’s gravity zooming right past Earth - leaving scientists still at a loss to explain exactly what it was. While I’m no astronomer, my guess is its either Trump’s tax returns or North Korea missiles, trying to hit Guam.
Man With 3-Foot Penis Gets Life-Changing Surgery: A 20-year-old Kenya man says he feels like a brand new person after receiving a life-changing surgery to reduce the size of his 3-foot penis and 11-pound testicles, which doctors speculate may be the result of being bitten by a mosquito when he was 10 years old. Not surprisingly, its being reported mosquito repellant sales have dropped dramatically since this story went public.