Why The Nice Guy Finishes Last in Relationships

I am speaking to Mister Good Guy here. This message could be construed to apply to the good woman too, but for now I'm talking to the good decent guy who either loses out to the "Bad Boy" each and every time or suffers at the fate of the "Cougar" he was in love with. This is a word about human nature and its self destructive tendencies which may indeed explain some of your questions about the seeming uselessness of matrimony today or for the simple harmony required to maintain a long term relationship. It's not all your fault, as a matter of fact, it's the influences going on through out our society that are part of the problem For instance, there is little if anything that supports the concept of faithfulness in a committed relationship from either Hollywood or on the Internet.

Social Engineering

Even sociologists who are attempting to engineer our society into a haven for liberal hedonism by telling us that fidelity in a relationship is the exception and not the rule, that it is an obsolete practice in modern society. This is a falsehood that merely reflects the erosion of morality in our society. Even the US federal government has contributed to the concept that marriage is no longer a sacred lifetime commitment just look at the conduct of many of our office holders who are known philanderers!

Main reason

But, what is the constant factor that undermines relationships. That one failure of human behavior that sabotages a relationship no matter how good the man may be or how honorable the intentions of a spouse? It's the human brain! Though Christian doctrine tells us that we humans are inherently flawed due to sinfulness and a corrupted nature there is an even more compelling reason that adds to this remorseless defeatism that seems to make western marriage an exercise in futility, and that is the human mind from a psychological aspect.

The chronic problem

The brain is like a sponge. It absorbs everything we experience in our lives, good and bad, conscious or unconsciously. It leads us to make decisions and choices based upon what we are familiar with. Familiarity can be wise or incredibly self destructive depending upon the family upbringing of the young child.  If the family life was harmonious then the child will grow into adulthood seeking what he or she is familiar with, but if a child has been subjected to dysfunctional behavior and abuse, that child will grow into adulthood gravitating toward only more unhappiness and dysfunction. Why? Why Would a person consciously or even unconsciously seek out unhappiness and even abuse? Familiarity! Many people simply cannot accept happiness or harmony if they have experienced abuse, criticism, physical abuse, or sexual mistreatment. Even with counseling it is almost impossible for many women to accept normalcy without rebelling against it or sabotaging a relationship.

Impact of early influences

Many psychiatrists believe that sexual and mental abuse early in childhood has influenced many to adopt homosexual behavior as well. So, if you guys wonder why the lady you're with has resisted your best intentions, your love, your romance, even antagonized you to respond in kind to her hostility you can bet it's because she has chosen to relive what she was accustomed to growing up in her dysfunctional upbringing. She doesn't know how to be loved. Her self esteem has been hurt. Her personal barriers have been violated. She cannot reciprocate love when she has known so little of it herself. She is not comfortable with goodness and harmony even though it's good for her. She will invariably gravitate toward what she is familiar with-abuse, turmoil, and pain.

Tragic implications

Ever wondered why some women seem so fascinated by the "Bad Boy" because he gives her everything she is accustomed to in that dysfunctional family she grew up in-pain, turmoil, and abuse, the very things she knew well and grew up with! Even when she knows intellectually that she is making the wrong choice she just can't help herself because it's all about her emotions. Her emotional being is much stronger than her ability to make rational decisions about relationships she enters into. Our modern day society is rife with encouraging hedonism, promiscuity, and unfaithfulness. Hollywood makes it all seem so entertaining. Even at the cost of the children born into these ravaged marriages who will forever suffer over the mother and father's divorce still most parents will not attempt to preserve the union for the sake their little ones.

The negative cycle

So guys, I'm talking about the "Good Guy" who always seems to finish last, it's not your fault. The woman who has been ruined by what the bad guys did to her before you ever met her, the young girl molested before she ever had a shot at an honest and pure relationship, these are events that have robbed you before you ever had a chance to love and be loved. Society has snatched that chance for happiness and a normal relationship  that  has likely been denied you unless you have something else to rest your strength upon. Personally, I would have to say that faith in God and a relationship with him the Savior, Jesus Christ is the only way you can be blessed with ending the insurmountable struggle of trying to have a love you can count on and live your life happily with. The cycle of abuse and victimization repeats itself without effective intervention.


I look back at past marriages regretting that what I know now could have helped then when I took it all personally and without the psychology of treatment or the love of God to end the self destructive cycle and social influences it was all doomed. I will never have that chance to heal those wounds or help her with the torment of the past that ruined the present. That would be more painful for me than any sorrow I suffered. However, these reflections over what was and can never be are typical of the human consciousness.

Proof in the dating scene

In the 1980's I recall an article written by a recently divorced columnist for the Dallas Morning News who put forth the proposition that single women were incapable of appreciating "Mister Nice Guy". He  mentioned women's constant reference to seeking Mark Harmon look-a-likes. They didn't want anything to do with the "Walking Wounded" as they called broken hearted guys, and did most fervently not want a "Ready made family" referring to divorced guys sharing custody. These catch all phrases among others were prominent in the singles notices on newspapers before the Internet began the great profitable scam of online dating, which even today has led to many divorces.

The shiny Object

This writer did copy and publish letters from readers, mostly girls, who vehemently denied that women were this callous and uncaring, but typical of the human instinct for self preservation, you could bet these attitudes were prevalent among young females who were out for a good time and a "Bobby Ewing Junior" to add spice and fringe benefits to their lives. Jim Morrison of the Doors once made reference to Dallas (Big D) as well as a Pop song in the 80's "Welcome to The Boom Town" both attesting to the glamour and glitz of materialism in a glowingly popular metropolis that's hard to master!

Well, I'll get off my soap box now and wish all of you reading this hope and good luck in your quest for true love and happiness in this chaotic world we live in.

Views: 981

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on March 28, 2017 at 1:58pm

Your inflatable sex doll told you no again, didn't it?

Sorry, but I can't really blame it.

Comment by Doc Vega on March 28, 2017 at 2:15pm

That's pretty funny Safe Bet but I'm sure my inflatable love doll could in no way match that 5 horse power kick start "python" vibrator you got for 20% off at the Sex R Us online store.

Comment by koshersalaami on March 28, 2017 at 3:47pm

Jesus, huh?

You're right about Congressional philanderers, but a whole lot of them are Republicans, so I wouldn't be so quick to call this a liberal phenomenon. As close as it comes was the Free Love stuff in the sixties, but that's the last time I think promiscuity had a liberal bias, and that's nearly a half century ago. 

I make no secret about not being a Christian given that my religious orientation is represented in my avatar, and I assume my liberalism is obvious to you. Speaking personally, I'm just over a month short of my thirty-fifth anniversary. I have never cheated. I wouldn't consider it for one simple reason: I would not intentionally hurt my wife like that, and doing so for my own pleasure would be particularly slimy. My wife is family. 

Now, not being Christian doesn't mean I'm an atheist. What religion has to do with my fidelity is in emphasizing general responsibility to other people more than an adultery prohibition in particular.

Which brings me to a Christianity question:

Why do so many Christians make so much of a bigger deal about homosexuality than about adultery?

Ths makes no sense to me at all, either religiously or morally, which in my case mostly amounts to the same thing, assuming a compassionate God. Jesus certainly did. 

In the New Testament, Jesus never mentions homosexuality, and he makes no secret of his lack of respect for enforcement at the expense of compassion. He constantly reached out to marginalized populations, and I'd say gays certainly qualify as a marginalized population.

The Old Testament, where our religions overlap, lists male homosexual Congress as an abomination, though there's a bit of ambiguity in the translation because the verb used has a connotation of force where It's used elsewhere. (Sodom and Gomorrah are not about consensual sex of any kind; that story is about rape and a profound lack of hospitality, and Sodomy is not a word found in the Bible.) But abomination is a term used for some things that don't bother Christians at all, like eating seafood without fins and scales and blending wool and linen in clothing. (They don't bother me either.) The prohibition of male homosexual congress does not make the Ten Commandments like adultery does, so it's nowhere near as central. 

Nowhere near.  This is particularly telling in Deuteronomy, where Moses reviews the law before the Hebrews cross the Jordan, which he won't be allowed to do. So what does Moses say about homosexuality in Deuteronomy? Nothing, it was too trivial a prohibition to be repeated. 

Aside from the centrality of adultery in the law, there's another enormous difference between adultery and homosexual congress:

Adultery almost always involves victims; homosexual congress doesn't unless it also involves adultery. 

So aside from the fact that homosexuality grosses fundamentalists out, which is the least Christian or moral reason to prohibit sex, do you know why the emphasis seems so unbalanced in the wrong direction? 

To get to another point you made, about modeling childhood, that can work in one of two directions. Either kids model or kids are so repulsed by their parents' behavior - think drunken violent fathers - that they go in as opposite a direction as possible. 

I don't intend any flippancy or self-righteousness here. I'm genuinely curious about your answer. 


Comment by Ron Powell on March 28, 2017 at 5:00pm

@Kosh;  "Why do so many Christians make so much of a bigger deal about homosexuality than about adultery?"

The hierarchy of sins  comes from  medieval Catholicism.

In Dante's Inferno the fornicators and adulterers are on the second circle of hell, the homosexuals on the seventh..

Adultery is purpoted to be a sin of excess and lust, homosexuality is characterized as a sin against nature.

I refuse to attempt a treatise on the matter here or anywhere else. 


Comment by Drew-Silla on March 28, 2017 at 5:22pm

Can't live with 'em, can't cut their heads off and bury 'em in the back yard; that's always the way.  Have you considered becoming a switch hitter? With that one decision you would double the number of people you can ask out on dates, and if you can find somewhere in Dallas that does anal bleaching I'm sure you'd make a dashing metrosexual. 

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on March 28, 2017 at 5:30pm

I just realized something...

If you slap a blond wig on this...

You end up with this...

Comment by tr ig on March 28, 2017 at 6:40pm

Hmmm, and all this time I was thinking that homosexuals were just like born that way, part of God's plan, if you will. Learn something new every day Doc, you moroon.

Comment by Doc Vega on March 28, 2017 at 6:55pm

I could have expected that any article I write of a personal and relational nature that all of you non-intellectual ideologically disingenuous pundits of disinformation would avidly pursue my work like the pack of wolves after a piece of raw meat that you are! It is really rather funny how predictable you post Neanderthals are. As predictable as the salivation of Pavlov's dogs. And you really do deserve the low place in life you occupy like lemmings-little rodents who must commit suicide once they over populate. Hasn't that time come?

Comment by Doc Vega on March 28, 2017 at 6:56pm

Safe Bet being that you are homosexual and that your inflatable love doll would be the Rachel Maddow model, I would leave you to your deserving fate, you tormented wench you.

Comment by Doc Vega on March 28, 2017 at 7:04pm

Kosher or should I say whatever ghost writer y=who hides behind that icon, why is it you so vehemently obsess over the homosexual agenda if you have supposedly monogamous relationship with your wife, whatever that gender might be, why? Are you insecure about your manhood or is it that you have shared your union with a man instead of a woman? Well, you can do whatever you want, but where does the 10 commandments carried down from the mountain by Moses figure into your warped rationale? If you're going to use the Bible then use it in the proper context and no it does not favor homosexuality, and I won't be bothering to consider your disposition one way or another. So, out that shit on somebody else, okay? Does homosexuality figure into Darwinian evolution? No, it does not because it would mean the species would not procreate and therefore would end up a dead end in the fossil record. So, it's not even practical. It is by any scientific definition an aberration.


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