While I'm on the Subject: Autistic Musings

There are some given “truths” of our lives near-universally taken for granted;  “God exists” is, of course, one which has survived though the ages. When such a statement is held as a high truth, we then can only see the facts of the world as measured against that truth. If the fact validates and solidifies this statement, then the fact is upheld as fact. If the fact stands in contradiction to this statement , a workaround of some kind must be enacted that the fact can still be held as fact or the fact is cast aside as a falsehood. Former Believers  can attest to some moment or another when the workarounds proved too cumbersome or the facts proved too great, that finally, the “truth” of God's existence was found to be lacking and finally cast aside.

Religious truth, however, is one which is learned on a cognitive level long after the acquisition of language and comprehension. Looking back further into childhood, another truth more universally accepted, and on the emotional-individual level rather than cognitive-social level, is that “mothers love their children”.  For good reason, we develop this understanding because the quality of our lives and general well-being stand as testament to this assertion.  Our own behaviors as we grow from children to adults are tempered and tested by this understanding. Our perception of others behavior—mothers and children—is influenced by this understanding. Perhaps even, our differing standards of behavior for men and women is rooted in this essential truth that doesn’t hold up as universally well in regard to fathers. To wit: every girl is a potential mother, and every man is a mother’s child.

And yet there are thousands of grown adults struggling in therapy because their lives are warped into dysfunction as they seek to preserve this truth when presented with solid facts to the contrary. They have workarounds for the workarounds. Instead of discarding this truth in regard to a narcissistic, drug-addled mother,  or a mother who is simply too wrapped up in her own dysfunction to know what love is anymore, they hope therapy will instead provide a more-efficient work around to maintain the truth, while also alleviating the warpage and return some practical function of life.

Now, pushing further back into the primordial psyche, maybe, just maybe, we’ll know the origins of what we call autism. The first universal truth a baby--any baby--learns from his or her existence is this: The big people exist to service the small people and my big people exist to serve me.

Every child at one point in their life holds this understanding. Then childhood and life, though their various facts to the contrary (i.e. siblings, corporal discipline), whittle away at this truth until it is finally discarded and the children are open to the understanding that this world was not built with them in mind. They exist in a world of grownups by grownups and for grownups. In order that they may have their desires fulfilled, they must communicate as grownups do. In order that they may survive as grownups themselves, they must learn to act as grownups act. They accept and expect to one day be a grownup around the same time they realize that they themselves are actually growing larger in a physical sense, therefore all small people will one day be big people and all big people are the end result of all small people.

Now suppose the neuro-typical processes of childhood are to hold this truth in a state of malleability; the child is more open-minded to contrary information as they are in a natural state of learning. They find new information and discard (or set aside) contrary information on a regular basis with no hardened fast rules to live by.

The autistic child, on the other hand, has accepted this primordial truth as High Truth and they are measuring all new information as to whether it validates or contradicts this truth. In the presence of facts that cannot be escaped (growing older, growing bigger) they seek workarounds (stop speaking fluently, stop eating new foods, throw tantrums, express unreasonable fear, avoid eye contact) to defend their Truth to the bitter end.

Since autism—especially in my family—is found to have a genetic component, it can even be said that these children are predisposed to solidifying this original truth as High Truth.  At such a young age, this truth is buried so deep within the psyche it operates as the child’s source code (to use computer parlance). No end user can modify an existing computer program without first knowing that program’s source code. A child is no computer, obviously, therefore no parent, doctor, or drug can modify a child’s primordial programming without that child’s participation. The computer program must re-write itself.

In previous generations, the source code was re-written through liberal applications of “spare the rod, spoil the child,” or even through the natural consequences of limited resources. Even at the youngest of ages, the children had little opportunity to allow the Primordial Truth to solidify. If a soft-hearted parent had difficulty with physical discipline or allocating resources, the parent was quickly brought in line with the threat of social shaming (because no one wants to be the parent of a "brat"). Parents are held accountable to other parents and especially to their own parents.  

Today in the Western society, parental accountability is now held in reverse. We were once shamed into spanking our toddlers, we are now shamed into not spanking our toddlers. Mass marketing brainwashes those earning an income that that income must be spent on their children's desires. Convenience appliances and lifestyles allow parents the free time previous generations did not have to devote to their two or four (or many more) children, which we now insist must be devoted to our one or two children. Our culture as a whole is playing into the hands of the Primordial Truth, and yet no one accustomed this new world order, including myself, would like to revert again to the “old ways”.

So how do we get the computer program to re-write itself? By bombarding it with facts to the contrary and not accommodating the workarounds. There will be workarounds for the workarounds. The child will tie himself into knots without understanding the fallacy of the truth he seeks to protect. Then when the breakthrough is finally made, he swallows the red pill.

But that won’t keep him from wanting to go back. He will always want to go back until a new foundation of High Truth is laid.

Views: 81

Comment by Jewellya on May 2, 2013 at 12:29am

I'm having one of those my-brain-won't-let-me-sleep-until-I-write-this-down kind of nights

Comment by JMac1949 Today on May 2, 2013 at 6:20am

"...to defend their truth to the bitter end."  Never read a better description of a core symptom of autism... fought that bloody battle myself on more than one occasion from both sides.  Maybe that's a way to help you little girl understand how she can better socialize.  Make up a game, and exercise where she can play both roles: The sky is blue, no the sky is black both are truth as well as the orange glow of twilight and the pink fingers of morning.  Try that code on her and see what happens.

Comment by Arthur James on May 2, 2013 at 10:55am


I Know I must have it.

I get every disease alive.

Ig No Sleep? Scrub Commode?

Be a 'Merry Maid' Night Scrub.

Pretend You a TRue Physician.

No Call a Bad Quack Doctor.


Follow a Winding Bright Path.

No Peck Night Owl's Big Beak.

No Claw Farmer's Belly Button.


Gads . . .


I get up and eat a Snack.

If You were Closer? Morels?

I's Simmer some in Butter.

We say ` Cheers! Water.

You Better Than a Doc.

I Vote Yoy` Dock Spock.


Spock wrote a book for Boomers.

That's Why We all So MESSED Up.

No Hang out in Public Latrines.


They Go to Sniff nasty Seats.

They can (should) scoop stalls.

Homer said` Go MUCK Barns!


I have a dear Friend. Annabella.

She says` Pa Pa, I No I can't?

She says She can't Offend me.


She says` Pa Pa I will try.

I, She insist this` Pa Pa,

l keep trying to annoy you.

She tries in Jest. We laugh.

She ask` Why You No Brain?


I sold old brain at Pawn Shop.

I more stupider than I look too.

I Order Muse to Shush Up Asap!

Comment by Kelley on May 2, 2013 at 1:47pm

Very well thought out and interesting, Jewellya.


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