No matter how much you expected it, it will still come as a shock.

There is nothing more agonizing that seeing someone you adore scared, uncomfortable, and in pain when they are dying.

It is hard to get that image out of your mind.

At one of the worst crises of your life, you will come home to an empty and silent house after being with another person constantly for years.

No matter how much you did for the dying person it will not seem like enough.

No matter how much you wanted it to be perfect, it will not be perfect.

No matter how sure you were that nothing was unresolved in the relationship, and that you had the most wonderful relationship possible, you will immediately think of things that might not have been resolved, and things that,  obviously, you could have done better.

Funeral rituals seem unnecessary, and sometimes dumb, but they do help you realize that you are not alone.

The endless preparation, two periods of receiving family and relatives at the funeral home, the funeral, burial and luncheon after, will seem like about a week and be just as exhausting, and it will seem undoable.

It is hard to sleep in a silent, empty house when you are extremely upset and depressed.

This is a ticket to insanity, though you have no intention of going there, and will not go there.

Financially, everything will have to be reworked, re-established, and it takes a lot of time and effort to get there. Your life will be in limbo until you do.

There is a tsunami of paperwork associated with a death.

If your whole routine was taking care of a sick spouse, you now have nothing to do but endless paperwork and straightening out your life. That is not what you need to do at the moment.

You realize that this life is worthless if a beloved person can disappear forever in a minute. That this earth is not your permanent home, and that eternal truths and a higher power are all that really matter.

The love and support of family, relatives and neighbors really does help.

In every tragedy and crisis, there is considerable fresh opportunity.

Views: 135

Comment by Deborah Young on April 6, 2013 at 6:20am

I'm so sad to read about this, what did your spouse die from [asking as my husband has M.S.]. You have my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Heidi Banerjee on April 6, 2013 at 6:58am

You have worked through the most upsetting ordeals in life and you managed to find the right words for the emptiness in your house.

It is never enough what we can do for a dying person.At one point Death takes over.We humbly have to accept this basic truth.

It's good you have shared many good years with your spouse.Memories help face the loss.

Comment by Kathy Knechtges on April 6, 2013 at 7:44am

thanks ever so much, guys

Rich died March 14 in less than 24 hours. We knew it was coming, but it is still a shock anyway. Everyone in the community was stunned. He died of lung problems as a result of having polio as a child. He was 68. He chose to go out with dignity without life support and I think he made the right choice. Nothing but pain and problems ahead.

He had several major disabilities but had a great career and was a great husband and Dad. His life gives all of us hope. You can still have a good life, even with a lot of problems. He was very active in the community and trying to help others until the day he died.

He gave me the unconditional love I always wanted. I will always be a happy woman because of that. I consider myself lucky and blessed.

Comment by Phyllis on April 6, 2013 at 3:06pm

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. What you said, "this life is worthless if a beloved person can disappear forever in a minute," I think we all hit that wall at some point. I haven't figured out yet how to reconcile it but I still look.

Best to you.

Comment by Kathy Knechtges on April 6, 2013 at 7:51pm

Thank you so much Phyllis

Jan, your story is a touching one. I admire your bravery and spirit, and appreciate your insights.


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