Mom showed up at my room with a nurse at four o'clock in the morning.   Mom wanted to go to thegreen housewhich is the house mom lived in as a little girl and the nurse had her fill of it and finally brought mom to me.   I laid there in bed telling mom that it was impossible for her to gotothegreen house.  Mom left angry and spent the next three hours wheeling around looking for what she said washerself.  She was back at my door at seven and I got up and directed her back to her room. 

Momfinallygot into her bed and waswheepyabout howshecould not remember anything.  She didn't remember when dad died or how he died.  She rememberednothingabout it.  There were days when she thought dad was still here.  Hell in one conversation she said "I don't remember dad passing" and "you know your dad died don't you".  For some of these conversations I just agree or ignore. 

I don't think I have ever beenthis depressed in all of my life. 

A strange thing happened about six weeks ago.  I contracted shinglesonthe brain.  I went into a coma for four weeks and died five times infront of mybrother, his young son andmy daughter. ObviouslyI came back. 

iam learning how to swallow and eat solid food again and regain the strength I lost. 

I'm depressed because I woke up in a strange place that was  abusive and self serving and thenbrought back to Lost Creek. 

What a life... 

I've spent the last five years sick in one way or another.  I've put my familythrough so much. 

Iwouldlike tosay that I saw a light or something.  What I did see I can'tdifferentiatebetween coma or death. 

We're still not clear on what it was that hit me.  Hit me like a ton of bricks.  One minute I was fine the next I was in a coma. 

I woke up in a strange placesurroundedby people I didn't know.  Most were almost childlike with a few being brutal and abusive. 

Is t was as I woke from brutal dreams buttheyturnedout to be real.  This one was a prize winner. 

It's difficult writing about thiswholeexperience.  There is somuchuncertain detail to the story. 

Five years ago Iwent hiking theAppalachianmountainswith my brother Nathan to reveal to me just how unhealthy I really was. 

It's been weeks since I've written anything.  For some reason my coma has changed my perspective on everything.  I don't know where to begin.  I feel a sense of going back the whole fiveyearsor maybe the last thirty years, I just don't know. 

This has become a note tothose who read me.  I’m stillwriting,its'sjust taking a while.  Please be patient with me. 

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Comment by nerd cred on August 5, 2016 at 6:55am

Damn, I'm so sorry to hear this, Michael. It sounds about like the biggest thing I've ever heard of anyone experiencing! I just hope you recover well and that the godforsaken depression at least eases a bit. I hope Mom starts taking it easier on you, though her misery sounds just awful, too. She should at least have the benefit of dementia's lack of awareness. Keep on writing, it's supposed to be helpful.

Comment by Zanelle on August 5, 2016 at 7:15am

Yes, keep on writing.  Your documenting here is riveting and I wish you and your mom peace.  That coma sounds life altering.  Be kind to yourself and your mom.  You dont have to be anything by kind.  Ignoring the questions over and over is difficult but finding some way to stay golden is what any life is about.  Good luck and write again soon.

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