(A reprint of years ago, which seems good today.)
There was no bad news on tv, radio, or online today?
Suppose we turned on the morning news and were greeted with our favorite morning anchor.
“Good morning, the entire world was at peace last night. Not one war happened. There were no shots fired. There were no bombs blowing up anything. There were no abandoned, abused or kidnapped children. There are no violent deaths to report. The fire department says they all got a good nights sleep; completely void of any fire alarms. The police department reports apparently nobody drove past the speed limit, nobody drove drunk or high on drugs; there were no high-speed chases, car shootings or accidents. Not one person died on the freeways.
Not one Politician made a stupid remark or lied to us or, incredibly, spent money we don’t have. The national debt is now zero, and unemployment is non-existent.
Not one celebrity had their photo taken, nor did they hurt or slandered another. Nobody abused a pet. Though we have searched high and low we could not find one hungry person, one homeless person or anyone in need of medical care.
Now here is the weather report from our very own Mary Sunshine...”
“Thank you. There are no tornadoes, hurricanes, snowstorms, droughts, or torrential floods anywhere on earth this morning. As you can see the sun is out! The lows are in a bearable range, with the highs being in a very comfortable zone. Any clouds you see are of the large fluffy variety, and there is no change in the immediate, foreseeable future. Now let’s throw it over to Highway Patrol Officer Clara Bell for a traffic report.”
“Thank you very much for the great forecast Mary. The freeways are all running smoothly. Incredibly everyone is doing the speed limit and there are absolutely no tires, couches, mattresses, refrigerators, dogs, chickens, people, or stalled vehicles impeding traffic. Looking at the shot from our Sky Hawk traffic watcher, you can even see the drivers are smiling and waving to each other. No roadwork is being done during this peak times, and all potholes seem to have been filled. Oh wait...let’s zoom in on this slow down.....Ohhh, it seems some cars have pulled over to the right shoulder....is there a problem? No, upon closer inspection it seems they are all just getting out of their cars to... dance. Yes, I hear the music...isn’t this the best thing you have ever seen? Other cars are now pulling over and they too are joining in...they seem to be doing the Freeway Shuffle. How delightful! Now it’s back to the anchor desk and you Dave...”
“Thank you so much Clara. We do have some breaking news down at the beach though...our reporter is now there...what do you have for us Chuck?”
“Thanks Dave, it seems we have an entire flotilla of yellow rubber ducks making their way to shore.I have no idea where they are coming from, the ocean is yellow with them. When one gets to shore and I can interview it I’ll break back in.”
“This is Dave, with your positive spin on life signing off for the day. Smile, help a neighbor and try to refrain from hurting anyone, especially yourself. Have a wonderful day!”