What I Learned from my Chelsea Clinton Post

1. Joking about Chelsea is like standing in a cathedral and questioning that long-past-ascended Mary dame's purity and suggesting she may well have been just a brilliantly media-savvy unwed mom way ahead of her time. (Note: I have made such jokes to real, as in they wear the collar and drink too much, Roman Catholic priests and received nothing more punishing in return than a smile and a request for a refill. Obviously, these men were not Democrats and the JFK photos on the walls of their offices were just RC ruses.)

2. Although Chelsea is, and I must add, THANKFULLY (all in caps, natch), alive and well and living in her 10-million-dollar apartment in Manhattan, she is not to be touched, even verbally. Chelsea is, it would seem, nothing less than beatified. She may well soon be a Most-Blessed-Daughter-of-God icon for Leftists. There has never been one before, but whatever. (Andrei Rublev, eat your heart out.)

3. Chelsea is the much-taller and completely non-stooped version of Mother Theresa.

4. Clinton supporters, Democrats and/or Leftists ("and/or"? I confess this is a lame attempt at objectivity on my part) seem to think that despite her fame and wealth, despite being 34, despite having security people around her 24/7 that can kill, you know, me and you and anyone approaching her for an autograph or a handout, Chelsea is, like, forever a prepubescent 10-year old. And if you even joke about her in any way you are: SO. TOTALLY. RUDE!!!! (Feeling this way about the mature Ms Clinton is considered a compliment. You go GIRRRL!)

5. The only "Litmus" test for anyone running for any public office, including Dog Catcher, should be "Is it okay to make jokes about Chelsea?" No one, and I mean no one, should vote for anyone who says, "No". If these folks are so frigging sensitive about Chelsea, they have ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS dealing with Iran! (And I included Dog Catcher because those public servants don't just go after dogs. I happen to adore Persian Cats, Sunni, Shia, whatever, and I don't want some idiot Progressive sending my pet back to Tehran to be thrown off a 10-story building because she is not submissive enough. And don't give me that BS about my pussy landing on her feet. I know that sounds dirty, but it's all in your mind.)

6. Chelsea has a Ph.D from like Oxford! Too MF amazing! Jesus H Christ, why was I not informed? And to think, Jacqueline Kennedy spoke four languages, yet has no icon floating round the Internet with her name on it. The last Tsar, no winner as a leader, or anything grand, actually hung out at Oxford as well (tea-time while visiting Grand-mother-in-law, Victoria?) spoke five languages, yet no 'Oh he was so smart' stuff about him. James Gandolfini spoke two languages and looked better fat than any of the Clintons ever will, but no 'Oh he is so smart' stuff for him either. Tchaikovsky, three languages were no problem for him, plus he was gay ( progressivites where are you?) could play the friggin piano AND write all sorts of ballets with celestial tunes - even one where a prince loves a swan - but no 'Oh Peter!'s' for him. I will spare you my admiration for...let me think, okay, just off the top of my head, those slouches: Michelangelo, Joe DiMaggio, Mark Twain, Capote, Nureyev, Elvis, Abraham F-ing Lincoln, Sandy Koufax, and that Tolstoy fellow. But, sob, I am sure none of them could touch Chelsea. However, I refuse to omit my all-time fav, Sinatra: good English, competent Italian, was known to be able to sing in both languages, plus he could arrange to have you killed. (This, of course, is a skill that should guarantee a doctorate in itself - and I hope in New Jersey soon will.) All of this is a long way to go to say, 'Chelsea? Ph.D? Oxford? So?'

7. Chelsea is, despite no demonstrated ability to sing, act, or tap, today's Shirley Temple . Forever young, smiling, plump-cheeked and innocent, dancing along life's happy highway. I am ashamed to say that I have no words. (Shirley, forgive them, they know not what they do.)

8. Our Chelsea, has at OS, and among Progressives of various stripes who, despite their name, yearn for the past, a ready-made PAC and is a shoo-in as "President-Proclaimed" - forget a stupid election - come 2024.

9. After writing my blogette, I was informed that I was "mean-spirited". Ach, auch, the bitter tears I shed.

10. I was compared to Ann Coulter. Not to use rude language, but this did totally piss me off. (I felt like Chelsea dealing with the slings and arrows of outrageous and fortunate nasty people!) You animals! I would kill for Coulter's hair! I would, quite possibly, do the same for her Manhattan apartment. I would love to have her Gold-Medal-Olympian skills at Anorexia-chic. You really know how to hurt a girl, don't you, you OS folkers?

But, not to worry. Happily, I live in Russia where reeducation and psychiatric treatment are nearly always conveniently provided in the same hospital. (So handy, and also one area in which the Americans could learn something. )

I look upon the next few months as a time of spiritual renewal ("What'd mean I'm not allowed candles?!"), political reawakening, and, I'm just being pragmatic here, a free Russian- language immersion course. Thank you OSers!!!

Gotta go, the doctor's here.

'Доброе утро доктор.'

Views: 427

Comment by Barbara Joanne on July 16, 2015 at 11:42am
Waiting to be shot. Of should that be waiting for my shot?
Comment by Arthur James on July 16, 2015 at 11:51am

`

shot go raw `Wadels no Pasteurized

or no Homogenized. Shake Jug Well.

It on PA's ` White Church Road and

it got Creamy ` 6-inches ' of Thick

Crem am that a` Float Atop Jug.

`

i go too... 

Yahooh! news

got scoop on

bra-less former

Wheaties box

Olympic star

who may 

loose her a

bra strap to a

Malfunction.

`,' i need shot

of Dogfish Head

IPA - continually

Hopped - Ail? no

a cold IPA Ale- 

`,'

Comment by JMac1949 Today on July 16, 2015 at 11:52am

Can't see that there's any reason to protect Chelsea from much of anything; except that other than having the good luck to be born into an exceptionally privileged life, she really hasn't done much of anything to be the object of satire or political animus.  If you took away her last name, she wouldn't  in anyway be any more or less worthy of criticism or ridicule than any other of the tens of thousands rich white liberals who live on the East Coast.  Can't understand why she makes a bigger target than either of the Bush girls?  R&L

Comment by Arthur James on July 16, 2015 at 12:00pm

`

She is a big girl, and an

Adult. Just Orders? no.

She can be Observed.

`

if tainted in warped 

Mind? Hop Hop Hop

in Bath Tub. Turn On

Jets, and Suds Uo and

Sing Some Soap Opera

Solo? So? So Low We no

Hear Bad? Sad Sour Bah

Singing? If we browse the

news? no barf and get Ya's

Head Stuck in a Milk Bucket.

If We do get Head Stuck in a

Milk Bucket We be called the

Pail Face ` Lookin ' buffoon?

We can Play ` Baboon? no. a

TP. roll Bassoon ` in Bathroom.

`

goof - gosh - Be nice. okay...

`,'

Comment by Barbara Joanne on July 16, 2015 at 12:19pm
Arthur and JMac thanks for stopping by.
Comment by Arthur James on July 16, 2015 at 12:54pm

`

Ya's fun to reread

with dry Humor Son,

and GrandChildren. 

Share with GOPs and

Jeb Bush? He sure is

Racking in mulla. I

read in Wash-Post -

Don Trump Boast 

he worth ` only '

Ten-$- Billion.

Well, no Horde?

Ya's store and a

Moth Eat profits.

A Mold Rot the

Barn's Stored

Grains. Rust

Rust Gold.

`

Read Wisdom 

Literature? a

Fool Hoards,

and has no at

all Inner Real

Wealth. A DC

Jewish Rabbi

FED Scholar

led me via a

Book of OT -

Ecclesiastes -

I reread that -

it wise counsel -

Maxim - Wise -

I Appreciated the

Care the FED Rabbi

Conveyed - He had 

a Crush on ` 1 ' L -

Former Farmer who

sadly... Got Lured by

a so-called ` Wealthy '

Phooey-Faker ` Creep '

and he Surly ` Stinky '

But, the Rabbi ` So-So '

Courteous... a ` Memory -

`, ' Lots to ponder today...

`:,), that means huh O? huh?

Comment by alsoknownas on July 16, 2015 at 1:34pm

This is almost like writing.

Comment by koshersalaami on July 16, 2015 at 3:37pm

I have freely written a lot of nasty things about George W. Bush, though most of them had to do with what he did, not how he looked. I think he was epically, historically miserable for his country, not to mention mine, and for the world in general. There was an occasional bright spot, like his concentration on attacking sex trafficking/female kidnapping, which he didn't get much credit for, but the man did serious damage to his country. That being said, I'd never go after him by going after his kids. It doesn't matter if they're rich, it doesn't matter how they look, if they don't do something really egregious, they get to be irrelevant. 

You don't care about Chelsea. You have no reason to care about Chelsea. Why would you? Because her parents threw her a big wedding? Her father is a former Governor and President, her mother is a former Senator and Secretary of State. Parents like that throw big weddings. Because of how she looks? Sorry, not all that noteable. She's cute enough, but she's not famous for her looks, nor is she an exhibitionist. Because she's active in a foundation, which also happens to be in one respect a family business? There are worse things to be involved in, and it at least indicates some kind of social conscience. 

It's just a backdoor way of getting at her parents. There are enough frontdoor ways of getting at her parents. 

This isn't about Chelsea. What do I care how old she is? I might care if she acted age-inappropriate or inappropriate in some other way in public in the course of her mother's campaign, but I don't see any sign of that. 

So she doesn't earn your respect. OK. There are lots of smart people in the world and have been for a long time. That's nice. The issue, though, is not what she didn't do to earn your respect, it's what she did to earn your disrespect. 

She has these parents. She lives in the world she was raised in. What is your idea of what she's supposed to do? 

Thirty-four or not, an adult or not, she is of interest to you because of whose kid she is. Without her parents, you don't care. This post indicates you either think this is about her or that you want us to believe that this is about her. 

It isn't. It's about a cheap shot. 

Comment by nerd cred on July 16, 2015 at 4:19pm

Most of the comments on that post weren't negative. Kosh a little bit, mostly me. So, I gotta say, awfully thin skin you have there.

Otherwise, it wasn't that Chelsea was your target I objected to. Very clearly, it was your tone. Lotta people like that. I think it's cheap and lazy.

Comment by Julie Johnson on July 16, 2015 at 5:25pm

Is she running for office, or actively campaigning for her mom?  I usually just hit the headlines in the morning, and get the rest of my news from here.  I hadn't seen anything of her much, am I missing something?  

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