It all started a couple of weeks ago when my trusty, old Mr. Coffee bit the big one and finally died. After an hour of waiting for it to brew my morning medicine, I had to admit that the old thing had mangled its last scoop of Folgers.
Now, being the resourceful fellow that I am, I just grabbed up one of Mel’s sauce pans and made up a batch of “River Bottom” coffee. It’s real easy to make and always served me well on cold nights along the banks of the Trinity River, fishing and hunting. All you have to do is put water in the pot, dump in some coffee, then throw in some egg shells if you have them. The egg shells sink to the bottom and the grounds tend to adhere to them, thus keeping your cup fairly free of chewy stuff when you drink your beverage.
Well for some unknown reason, Mel took umbrage to my using her good sauce pan to burn me some coffee…women….go figure.
“I’m going to town,” she said. “I will pick you up another Mr. Coffee.”
That was when the inspiration struck me. This was my chance to not only enter into the 21st century, but to get something I always wanted: A Coffee System! That’s what they call those new fangled machines that brew coffee by the cup…a System…not a pot. They come with those cute little packets of that Gourmet coffee of all different flavors and all you do is pop in one of those packets, push a button and BAM! You got a cup of fancy coffee.
“No, no.” I told her. “I’m going into town with you and we’re gonna price some of those fancy coffee systems.” She rolled her eyes. I’m use to that so I ignored her and off to town we went.
We ended up having to go to “Big Town” which is what we call Poplar Bluff; population, 19,000. We had to go there because the two stores in our “Little Town: Doniphan: pop. 1900 just laughed at me when I asked them to show me their coffee systems.
So off to the Bluff we went and boy was I surprised to see the prices on those things. The cheap ones started at like $150.00. So we returned home, devoid of a coffee system. Time for plan B. I instructed Mel to get online and check out the prices…they had to be cheaper than what we found at the stores. They weren’t.
Damn. No coffee system for me and Mel had already laid down the law about the use of her pots to make my coffee. What’s a guy to do?
As she so often does, Mel came to my rescue. “If you are dead set against another Mr. Coffee,” she told me. “I may have something that will serve the purpose.”
With that she disappeared into the spare room where we keep a bunch of boxes, some of which are filled with stuff that belonged to her mom who passed away last year. In a few minutes she came back holding a coffee pot. It was one of those old Corning Ware percolators. Some of you might remember those things. They were made of ceramic material and had the metal guts you filled with coffee and placed inside the pot. It has the glass bubble on top where you can see the coffee bubble up into when it is perked. I hadn’t seen one of those things in years.
I was all ready to fire that puppy up and make a pot of coffee but Mel told me to wait. She wanted to call the Corning Ware company and find out if this particular model was one you could put directly on the burner or if it was one that needed a small wire stand to hold it off the fire.
So she calls the company and she describes the pot to the young lady on the phone who was amazed that there was still one of those things out there. She told Mel to throw the pot away because it had been recalled in 1978 because it had a defective handle that tended to break loose from the pot and scald people!
1978? Recalled? I couldn’t stop laughing. “Oh hell no, we ain’t throwing that thing away. I’m gonna use the hell out of it.”
Mel rolled her eyes yet again. She’s good that that.
So now I proudly drink my coffee each morning from a pot that was recalled in 1978. To hell with the 21st century. Old it good and I’m not out a hundred and fifty bucks either.