No, please, not the hair~~~~

And now comes the hard part. Chemo! The PetScans revealed a mass of cancer in my lungs and chest with some around my heart and lesions in other spots. There is even a small spot in my liver, which is not good by any means. So yesterday, I began the dreaded chemo treatments that will decide whether I live or die. It took 5 hours sitting in a chair hooked up to various tubes and a large needle for the chemo to flow. They give you plenty of anti-nausea meds so you won't throw-up from the poison that is chemo. I'm taking two different kinds of poison every three weeks and so far the sickness has been minor. It took two days to effect Terri when she had her treatments and then she stayed near a toilet for days.

As my luck has been going, the cancer center that I go to, the Gibson Cancer Center in Lumberton, NC, almost burnt down last Sunday. It destroyed one side of the center and caused millions of dollars in damages. One machine by itself costing over 3 million dollars, was completely destroyed. The radiation center was completely destroyed. Thankfully, a firewall kept the flames out of the chemo section, but the water and smoke that got inside did enough damage that the crew, staff and volunteers worked all weekend to set up a replacement center in another building, on another street, so the chemo patients would not miss their appointments, which are vital as far as keeping on a very calculated schedule.

My cancer is a fast moving cancer, and I thought I was going to have to wait a few weeks for my treatments to start. I don't believe I would not have made it, and really have my doubts anyway, if I would have had to wait two more weeks. If you could see the PetScan images you would know what I mean. Reading about the cancer in "Doctor Talk" and seeing it in clear pictures is surreal, and almost made me sick. But, don't get me wrong, I am not giving up, that's not my style.

I will fight this fucking disease with every fiber in my being, and win or lose, I will not spend my last days worrying about it. Sure, it will always be there, you can't stop your mind from going where it wants to go, but you can keep it hid in that far back space reserved for the rest of the bullshit you've been through in your life, at least I can, most of the time. Please, do not feel bad for me, I have lived a great life, whatever happens. I'm writing this because I thank the world of many of you and many of you asked me to keep you updated on my condition.

Now I have to decide what to do about my hair, which will be falling-out any day now. A knit hat would be great, but it is 90-100 degrees outside this summer and a knit hat is out. So I guess I'll wear one of my trusty bandana's that I have collected over the years. I have a small cyst that I am having removed today from my scalp that grew there recently. I was afraid it was also cancerous, but a PetSan saw nothing remarkable, and I was ecstatic at first, until I thought about it a minute or two. Is my brain so small it doesn't even show up on a PetScan? Not remarkable? Perhaps. I have done some crazy shit in my life. Just kidding, I think? Have a good one my friends and if you have the time, wish me some luck~~Updates to come~~

Views: 1032

Comment by Rosigami on July 1, 2015 at 9:36am

I like your style. May you continue to greet each day with the realism and good nature you have already demonstrated in spades.

Comment by Jerry DeNuccio on July 1, 2015 at 9:38am

I admire the hell out of your fighting spirit.  There are situations where the inner stuff of us is driven to the outer of us.  Your inner stuff is fiercely uncompromising.

Comment by Arthur James on July 1, 2015 at 9:48am



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Comment by Heidi Banerjee on July 1, 2015 at 10:44am

I am unable to listen to your tune because of restrictions but sometimes I can find it on youtube and have a chance to hear it nontheless.

I have had difficulties with my pc, had it fixed today by an IT and told that I should think about getting a new system which means windows10.

I had been anxious about being disconnected.

When my brother lived through his final days, he had asked for a tropical helmet.That is what he wore when we walked on the roads. If the funeral place did a serious job, the helmet went with my brother into his grave.

Scanner, you are asking for clear statements and I have decided to provide you with whatever comes to my mind.

The diagnosis of course doesn't leave us with too much hope. I still think that we do our very best to the last step and the  following transit. Until then we keep in touch and exchange as much as possible so you know we are here to connect and share as much as possible the process of fighting or submitting to cancer.The last word has not yet been spoken.

We have a heat wave lasting the whole week. Going outside is possible in the early morning and in the late evening hours.

For me it means getting some business done now. The dog needs a walk although it is still too warm.

I like Kosher's comment about the observation backward.

Stay in good spirits regardless, Scanner, good friend.

Comment by Chicago Guy on July 1, 2015 at 12:19pm

The Allmans are saying it all. Hang in there my friend. You are inspiring countless souls.

Comment by Stephen Brassawe on July 1, 2015 at 12:25pm

You got it, scanner. I am wishing you all the luck at my disposal, and I've got a helluva lot of it here. Drive on, my friend. If attitude counts--and it most surely does--you have the right one.

Comment by Boanerges on July 1, 2015 at 1:25pm

Right on, brother. Or rather, fight on. We've got your back. My best to Terri.

Comment by Lunchlady on July 1, 2015 at 3:31pm

I like the scarves idea, kinda biker chic :)

Still pulling for you every night, I don't believe in miracles But I hear they happen so yep every night!

Comment by Kenneth Sibbett on July 1, 2015 at 4:02pm

Man, you guys are so great~~You fill my heart with joy and that is something I need very badly right now. I had the cyst cut off of my scalp, and of course, there's a problem. My head is killing me and the cyst is not what he thought it would be. I go back Tuesday to find out what it is. More luck, huh? I believe my luck is getting kind of thin, but I won't stop fighting, it just ain't in me. I remember fighting bullies every year I went to a different school, and win, lose or draw, they left me alone. Maybe this is the same. Fight until you frighten the shit away. At least, that's my thought process. I sure ain't laying down from nothing. I remember the movie "The Dallas Buyers Club" where Matthew McC., was HIV Positive and they gave him six months to live. He said "They ain't nothin" on this. goddamn earth that can kill me in six months time" . I feel the same way. There ain't no cancer out there that can kill me in six months. Hell, after that, I'll just six it six more, lol. Thanks again for the kindness you showed this old country boy. If I'm around, I got ya' back~~:-)

Comment by Phyllis on July 1, 2015 at 5:43pm
Sorry to hear about the hair but I love the bandanna idea. Maybe you can get one with fake hair attached. :-) I hope that cyst isn't bad news.

I was just wondering, do you still have that teddy bear?


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