No, please, not the hair~~~~
And now comes the hard part. Chemo! The PetScans revealed a mass of cancer in my lungs and chest with some around my heart and lesions in other spots. There is even a small spot in my liver, which is not good by any means. So yesterday, I began the dreaded chemo treatments that will decide whether I live or die. It took 5 hours sitting in a chair hooked up to various tubes and a large needle for the chemo to flow. They give you plenty of anti-nausea meds so you won't throw-up from the poison that is chemo. I'm taking two different kinds of poison every three weeks and so far the sickness has been minor. It took two days to effect Terri when she had her treatments and then she stayed near a toilet for days.
As my luck has been going, the cancer center that I go to, the Gibson Cancer Center in Lumberton, NC, almost burnt down last Sunday. It destroyed one side of the center and caused millions of dollars in damages. One machine by itself costing over 3 million dollars, was completely destroyed. The radiation center was completely destroyed. Thankfully, a firewall kept the flames out of the chemo section, but the water and smoke that got inside did enough damage that the crew, staff and volunteers worked all weekend to set up a replacement center in another building, on another street, so the chemo patients would not miss their appointments, which are vital as far as keeping on a very calculated schedule.
My cancer is a fast moving cancer, and I thought I was going to have to wait a few weeks for my treatments to start. I don't believe I would not have made it, and really have my doubts anyway, if I would have had to wait two more weeks. If you could see the PetScan images you would know what I mean. Reading about the cancer in "Doctor Talk" and seeing it in clear pictures is surreal, and almost made me sick. But, don't get me wrong, I am not giving up, that's not my style.
I will fight this fucking disease with every fiber in my being, and win or lose, I will not spend my last days worrying about it. Sure, it will always be there, you can't stop your mind from going where it wants to go, but you can keep it hid in that far back space reserved for the rest of the bullshit you've been through in your life, at least I can, most of the time. Please, do not feel bad for me, I have lived a great life, whatever happens. I'm writing this because I thank the world of many of you and many of you asked me to keep you updated on my condition.
Now I have to decide what to do about my hair, which will be falling-out any day now. A knit hat would be great, but it is 90-100 degrees outside this summer and a knit hat is out. So I guess I'll wear one of my trusty bandana's that I have collected over the years. I have a small cyst that I am having removed today from my scalp that grew there recently. I was afraid it was also cancerous, but a PetSan saw nothing remarkable, and I was ecstatic at first, until I thought about it a minute or two. Is my brain so small it doesn't even show up on a PetScan? Not remarkable? Perhaps. I have done some crazy shit in my life. Just kidding, I think? Have a good one my friends and if you have the time, wish me some luck~~Updates to come~~