"TRUMP AGREES TO LIE DETECTOR TEST...Maury Povich Scores Huuuuge Get"!

Not only did Trump say he'd testify under oath - now that he got a private tutorial - he'll even take a Lie Detector Test!

That's right - the Internet not only shows us how to make a baby & a bomb; it also shows us how to beat a Polygraph Test. 

And, that's exactly where Trump went for advice.   

FRANK                                                                          

Frank's not my real name - but you're the one taking the test, aren't you?  ha ha    

You know why you're here today?

TRUMP

To learn to lie good.

FRANK

Lie well - did you really go to Wharton?

TRUMP

Is there someone else who...

FRANK

No, let's get started.  Only the person who is nervous about every answer will appear the most truthful on a test.  The more often you tell the truth, the more accurate the results will be.

TRUMP

You're confusing the hell out of me!

FRANK

Just so you know - PTSD flashbacks at the wrong time effects a test.

TRUMP

I'll keep that in mind as my time in Nam was horrific!

FRANK

You weren't in the military.

TRUMP

I wasn't?  Then I'll just say 'my marriages'!

FRANK

Oh, this is key.  When the test is over - don't say anything like, 'I hope you'll find these are good answers - otherwise don't show up on Monday'!

TRUMP

My lips are sealed.

FRANK

There are relevant questions, irrelevant questions & control questions.

Look at me - not that shiny door knob, okay?

For you - a control question might be:

How do you really feel about your son, Eric?

Where would you go if you took Ivanka on a Date?

And, where do you live - the White House, Mar-a-Lago, any idea?

TRUMP

What are you - a comedian?

FRANK

A relevant question might be:  Have you ever wanted to press the Nuclear button just to see if it works?

TRUMP

Well, after Comey testi...

FRANK

I meant to tell you - say only what you need to.

TRUMP

Well, sometimes, I need to - that's why I tweet.

FRANK

Oh, I forgot - they're gonna take your phone away.

TRUMP

No, I sleep with my phone.  How about if I put it on vibrate?

FRANK

No, you can take it out to lunch after the test.An irrelevant question might be:  Do you know how many slices of Trump Chocolate Cake are left in the White House kitchen right now?

TRUMP

Well, I just...

FRANK

See, that's a Tell and - you have icing on your mouth!

Oh, & make sure you conceal any knowledge of Polygraphy, ever talking to me or reading this oursalon article.

TRUMP

Polygraphy?  I don't need that to feel sexy - everything works!

FRANK

Please, put it away - I believe you!

Just so you know - Polygraph results are no longer admissible as evidence in legal trials - so, if someone's found guilty despite being innocent - it won't be because of a lie detector.

TRUMP

So, 'it's Curtains'?

FRANK

I don't know about that - but The Gotti Suite has a bidet!

 

Happy to say this article can also be seen in "Humor Times Magazine" but after Trump changed into a fresh pair of underwear!

                                  http://www.humortimes.com/62222/trump-lie-detector/                ...;   

Views: 67

Comment by JMac1949 Today on July 24, 2017 at 9:57am

The Beast "45" suffers from a form of affluenza dementia, so profound that he'd likely pass a polygraph based on his genuine belief in "alternative facts."  R&L

Comment by marilyn sands on July 24, 2017 at 10:55am

Thanks jmac - now you GOT ME the heck confused!  ha ha

Comment by koshersalaami on July 24, 2017 at 11:36am

I love the signature

Regarding Wharton: 

It's entirely conceivable. Find a YouTube interview with him from the eighties or so. He sounds completely different. He sounds intelligent, erudite, and he actually gives answers reflecting thought. He was different then. 

Comment by marilyn sands on July 24, 2017 at 11:48am

Thanks so much Terry!  As if everyone is old enough to remember 40's & 50's gangster movie references like "It's Curtains"!  ha ha 

Comment by marilyn sands on July 24, 2017 at 11:51am

Thanks kosh!  Yes, his signature & lie detector readings are amazingly similar!  When all this is over & if 2020 ever gets around - we can breathe Trumpfree! 

Comment by Foolish Monkey on July 24, 2017 at 11:59am

lie detector, shmi detector!

He can pardon everyone!  him too!  the world is wide open and smiling when you are the crazy king.

okay more seriously - he really has deteriorated.  I don't think it's because he's crazier or that he's demented.  it's that he's old and a little creaky and while years ago, he was faster on his feet, he was STILL as dumb as a stump when it comes to a world view.  he's always over simplified and glossed over details.  only now he's clumsier.  

when you're young, it's all pretty.  even how you speak and present yourself to the world.  but the substance of the man - trump to the core has always been superficial, lazy and greedy.

Comment by Foolish Monkey on July 24, 2017 at 12:00pm

I forgot to say how good this is!!  thank you for the laugh marilyn!! 

Comment by marilyn sands on July 24, 2017 at 12:13pm

Terry - if that is true - I have a lot of Sonny Tufts & Rhonda Fleming references just waiting!  ha ha

Comment by marilyn sands on July 24, 2017 at 12:18pm

Thanks so much Foolish M.  We'll just have to wait & see about the "Pardon" business. When it all comes down - lawyer or no lawyer - I don't think Trump will have a KFC Leg to stand on!   Meanwhile, we just have to get Mueller "A Food Taster" & 24 hour body guard!

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