Trump 2020 Campaign Wants to Sell Space Force Gear: President Donald Trump’s 2020 campaign wants to start selling a new Space force themed line of merchandise, and they are soliciting the public’s votes on which design to use. Why I think its just ridiculous wasting the public’s time over something like this when its blatantly obvious that the person they need to be talking to is Mel Brooks. Then, all they’ll need to do is sign the papers so China can begin making them. Now, if he can just figure out how to get the Space Aliens to pay for it all, we’ll be all set.
Face-Eating Monkey Dust Drug Epidemic Spreading in UK: A drug called “monkey dust” - also known as “bath salts” here in the US - which causes people to jump from high buildings and even try to eat people’s faces - is spreading in the UK. The fact that it males you want to eat faces is precisely why I never take the drug on an empty stomach.
El Salvador Celebrates Its First Murder-Free Day: The Central American country of El Salvador which is constantly plagued by bloodthirsty gangs, has finally recorded its first day without someone being shot to death in over three years. Unfortunately, everyone chose to celebrate the milestone by firing their guns in the air - which pretty quickly put an end to that streak.