to chiropractor or not to chiropractor?

Today---3/30/13. Tomorrow I will lay low, no doubt. Not only 3/31/13, but Easter. Beware the fertility rabbit of chasteness on days whose numbers portend so ominously. 

Yesterday, it was the chiropractor again. Jenny basically made me go.. dammit. At first, around nine when I woke up, she gently reminded me to call the hairlipped bonecrusher to see if I could get in. I said I would, but didn't (I am a liar), so at a quarter 'til noon she got between me and this computer and said gently, yet firmly, "call him, now." 

So I did. Well, not him. He has a cute blonde with shining personality named Mallory who answers the phones. The doctor himself has skills, but talking on the phone or other forms of talking for that matter, ain't his for-tay. 

Mallory said "he leaves at one pm on Fridays but if you hurry . . ." 

I said I would be there and knowing it would hurt, I took a narcotic, then a cranberry tablet for urinary tract, a 50 milligram zinc for the pissy prostate problems, a 595 mg pottasium gluconate for hips and knees and because I don't dig bananas, and a huge multi-mega-vitamin to make my pee turn fluorescent orange (or maybe it's the cranberry that does that).

Right.. yes, hairlip would hurt me, no doubt, but not going hurts worse (here recently.. apparently.. cripes) and Jenny knows what is best. In other words she's had enough of my whining.

This issue with my back started quite a few years ago for no obvious reason that I could ascertain at the time. Of course being a man I ignored it and endured the discomfort  pain until I noticed one day that I couldn't push a grocery cart in a straight line due to the way I walked. A pair of really old ladies were watching me, pointing fingers and laughing at my posture that day, so I broke down and went to a chiropractor. Not hairlip-- I found him later. It was a female chiro who asked me if I wanted her to go easy or do the full adjustment in one session. I told her "all at once baby!

Maybe I shouldn't have called her that, for she was rough in her treatment of moi that day. When it was over, my every joint had been cracked violently, some of them multiple times and it took me a full twenty minutes to stand up afterwards, but sure enough within a couple of days I was walking straight again without pain.

It was two more years before the back went bad again. Same place. Twas then that I met my current linguistically challenged chiropractor. He fixed me. Then only a year later I was back... point being, the times between keep getting shorter. 

I was there two months ago. If this trend continues the bastard will finally get his way..... me going in for 'an adjustment' three times a week.

Lately, the pain, which radiates out from these two vertebrae in the center of my spine, has been beyond just a nuisance. It shoots to the right mostly, when I turn a certain way, or when I get in and out of the bath tub. So much that I've wondered recently if my once fresh and pink right kidney may have rotted... but not having health insurance, coupled with fear of the bad news a real doctor might give me, has kept me away from those guys. 

I wish I could type the way my chiropractor talks. Believe me I have tried. I walked out of there yesterday with tears in my eyes, of that I can assure you. Tears yes, but the important word here is walking. I was even able to do other things again too... wow . . meow. Hello baby---thanks for making me go!

Chiropractor dude fine-a-wee gets his way too... I prepaid for another appointment next Wednesday which will be directly after a 55 minute deep tissue massage at the nearby masseuse college that Mallory told me about on the sly. I am much too young and vital to be in this much pain.

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Comment by Zanelle on March 30, 2013 at 3:01pm

Ahhhhh so sad...glad you got help but I keep thinking of the brother in Two and a Half Men tv show. Alan.  What a dweeb.  I use a memory foam pad on my bed.  I now have a four inch one.  It cured every ache in my body.  I swear by it for relief of pain.

Comment by JMac1949 Today on March 30, 2013 at 3:16pm

Quit whining about it and go get the damn work done... your livelihood and craft demands strength and you ain't getting any younger.  Five years ago I could drive a 16 penny nail with three solid whacks of my favorite framing hammer, now I can barely lift my right arm to scratch my head.  Age happens, so you better invest in a big turning lathe and some walnut burl, so you can start selling $500 salad bowls on line!! Got to keep looking ahead, my man.

Comment by koshersalaami on March 30, 2013 at 3:20pm

I've got health insurance, so I just go to back specialists. I guess it depends on what it is. For me, the most important thing turned out to be putting a pillow behind my lower back when I drive. If it's there, I can drive several hundred miles a day OK. If it's not there, there's a pretty good chance I won't be able to stand when I reach my destination if it isn't really close.

Have you ever found out where on the vertebrae you've got damage? Sometimes it helps to know that. My original back injury, which I got from lifting a PA speaker wrong when I was about 22, turns out to be to the front of my vertebrae (discovered years later on X-ray). Which means, if I'm trying to relieve pain, I don't want to pull my knees to my chest to stretch my back out, because it compresses the part that hurts - I want to arch, which takes the stress off and relieves me way faster. It might help to know that one of these days so you can figure out how to counteract the pain faster when it hits.

Good luck.

Comment by Jenny on March 30, 2013 at 4:20pm

Take care of your body and it takes care of you. Hard to age gracefully when your old a$$ is falling apart. 

Comment by Rosigami on March 30, 2013 at 5:45pm

I hope Jenny keeps on you and you listen to her, Triggyboy. Take care of each other like you been doing. Hey, my chiro used electrotherapy on my back and that helped a lot. And it feels amazing. I make them turn it up to 11! (rosi, he says, it only goes up to 10...)

Comment by lorianne on March 30, 2013 at 7:03pm

having recently done something (but i dunno what) to hurt my poor lower back , i will have to answer this question myself soon (monday if it doesnt cure itself by some miracle).

i will likely just go to the regular doctors first... maybe its a kidney thing?   but the bone cracker might be on my agenda as well.  

 wasnt it just last year i was lugging giant rocks around building a pond in  my yard?  it sucks getting old.

Comment by tr ig on March 30, 2013 at 7:36pm

Pain sucks. Not having access to medical professionals sucks. The way it's going, I'll be lucky to be able to make enough money to pay hairlip, let alone my own way in life. I'm not at all 'down' with living a restricted life. Why does anyone do that? I'm a little bit bummed. Thanks though. Maybe I'll get a memory foam pad.

Comment by Dr Christine, NMD on March 30, 2013 at 9:23pm

You're beginning to sound like an old lady, next you'll be telling us about how much Miralax you need.  Seriously, get with your program.  You are only as old as you are willing to take care of yourself. 

Comment by Myriad on March 31, 2013 at 7:48am

I guess I should be glad at my advanced age that I'm relatively pain-free.  I have a full-scale mem-foam mattress, but lying in bed event. bothers a particular spot and I flail about trying to escape the covers.  But once up, and leaning over to touch toes (KNEES BENT!) a few times during the day keeps it at bay during waking hours.  Plus a knee going.  I did some damage hauling rocks, but age and time will get nearly everyone's spine eventually.

That is so terrible about not being able to just go see a doctor.  I have a friend who has had to have her hip redone four times (!) due to a stubborn infection, and is going to have the other side done soon (hopefully only once).  At least she doesn't have to worry about money or postponing anything due to finances.

Anyway, jMac has a point.  No matter how well you look after yourself, no matter how often you get adjusted and pummeled, hard physical work has a time-limit.  Haha, I'm already casting about for a new handyman since the current one is wearing out.  (Which reminds me, I told him I'd bring him an Easter egg today - he's resting up after a hernia op [also 'free' and on his timetable] and won't be good for anything for a while, poor guy.)

Anyway, yes, you're much too young and vital to be in pain.  This post surprised me - I think of you nailing decks, catching fish, carousing with Jenn, cooking up feasts...

P.S. - I'm suspicious of chiropractors.....tho one fixed a pinched nerve in my neck years ago in 5 seconds...

Also, work on the weight.  When you get stuck in the bathtub, it's time!  I've been dieting and my back has thanked me for it, also my knee.  (Hell, I know people in their 30s and 40s who due to weight, and I mean WEIGHT, have damaged knees.  This standing upright business has to be treated with care.)  You looked so cute and skinny in that music video.

Comment by tr ig on March 31, 2013 at 2:19pm

Is NMD for NOT medical doctor? Hello

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