These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things

Portable crappers, and phat gangsta rappers,
Overdressed lawyers, who think that they’re dapper,
Blonde second wives who are festooned with bling–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

New SUVs that my teenage son crashes,
Posh window treatments with jabots and sashes,
Pant legs that stick ’cause they’ve got static cling–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

When a friend croaks, when my feet stink,
When I’m feeeeling sad . . .
I simply remember my least favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Cool summer cocktails whose tonic is flattened,
Obnoxious parents with children they’ve fattened,
Hearing your cell phone when you let it ring–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Visible butt-cracks and sandals with sweat socks,
Income and sales tax, celebrity de-tox,
Middle-aged men who still wear college rings–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

When the pierced tongue, and the nose ring
Become more than fads–
I simply remember my least favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Non-urgent emails with little red flaggies,
Mice that my cat kills in clear plastic baggies,
Ersatz Gambinos who say “Ba-da-bing”–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Travel by buses and overstuffed bedding,
In-laws who offer to sing at my wedding,
Being held hostage, all tied up with string–
These are a few of my least favorite things.

Views: 114

Comment by Arthur James on December 9, 2013 at 6:08am

`

Gosh Con C. You got behind cleavage too?

There is a reputable `Arty's Portable Potty.

think lawyers need to stop porn investing.

Hang sigh on Plastic Porto - No Porn Here.

Ni scream at mouse that share the pot.

No Puff weed in con & company pots.

Outdoor commodes no flush good.

No tap feet in porto pot Here.

Cops think you porn viewer.

Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on December 9, 2013 at 8:06am

Brilliant. 

Comment by Arthur James on December 9, 2013 at 8:11am

`

Jon Wolfman?

Brilliant Moonshine  . .

James M. E visits Library.

He looks under ` C ' For

Cleavage. He C' olors

with Crayons foul

bad word and

C`ELL Phone

#'s so NSA

N Snoop.

No Stink

Cons 

Outhouse

Law No

Indoor

Flush

Commode.

Comment by Arthur James on December 9, 2013 at 8:12am

`

keys stick

not N

Butt

No

Gosh

Stink

Pee u

Comment by Kathy Knechtges on December 9, 2013 at 2:20pm

This had to be written. You should also publish it elsewhere!

Comment by Con Chapman on December 9, 2013 at 2:39pm

I'm trying!

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