There is nothing wrong in America today that a change in leadership will not make happen.

Read the title carefully. What does it mean?

It might help to know that a crowd actually applauded for that line. 

It means, to Jon Stewart's obvious delight, that Rick Perry has just announced that he is once again running for President. 

This is how comics make a living. 

He doesn't wear cowboy boots these days. Being as he bombed in his last Presidential campaign by looking stupid, he wears glasses. 

(Photo by AP)

Are you fooled?

Back in August of 2011, I wrote a post about Gov. Perry, who at that point was coyly flirting with the idea of Texas secession, not admitting it outright but acknowledging the possibility with a smile that his constituents might just force the issue. And so I submit a repost from back then, one I really enjoyed writing. It actually started life as a comment on Jon Wolfman's blog before a great deal of editing turned it into a post. The original title was

Governor Perry's flirtation with secession

Enjoy.
---------

Governor Rick Perry has made a few remarks indicating that Texas secession might be a possibility, remarks whose tone indicated he might be sympathetic to those who advocated such a thing.

Interesting. For those of you who are denizens of what would, in that event, presumably become the Lone Star Republic, let's look at what secession would actually mean:

The US military would leave Texas, lock, stock, and barrel. No bases. No presence.

So would NASA. Houston, if we have a problem, we aren’t talking to you about it.

So would the postal service.

So would everyone associated with border control or any other kind of law enforcement. Like the FBI.

Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport would cease to be a major hub because it wouldn’t be an American airport any more.

None of your retired people would get Social Security. Neither would Texans with disabilities. No Texan would get Medicaid or Medicare.

You wouldn’t get a dime of highway funding.

Though some of our major professional sports leagues are international, the NCAA is not. The Longhorns and Aggies would play each other and maybe Rice but you can kiss the BCS goodbye. Most high school football prospects from the 49 States aren’t going to consider such a limited market as Texas, though a lot of the Texas high school prospects will be attracted to the far larger American market. Not only won’t your teams play their current opponents, their recruiting prospects will dwindle to the point where the quality of your college teams is likely to land in the toilet.

While we’re talking about colleges and universities, they can all say goodbye to their US government research money. Also their Pell Grant money. Oh, and out of state tuition just became out of country tuition. Both ways.

These are just some highlights of the consequences of secession, or perhaps I should call them “lowlights.” If Texas becomes a country, Texas will have to take on the responsibilities of a country. By itself. You’ll need:

An army, navy, air force, marines, and coast guard. Along with military academies for all of them.

A currency. If I were you, I’d see how much you can hit Jerry Jones up for to get his picture on your dollar.

A postal service. Employees, stamps, trucks, planes, the whole bit.

A State Department. And staffed embassies all over the world.

An intelligence service.

An FAA. You don’t want all those planes crashing.

An INS. We’d get to shift all our guys from the Texas/Mexico border to the Texas/Oklahoma border, the Texas/New Mexico border, etc. Now our border guards wouldn’t have to be bilingual any more, at least the ones who can understand your accent. Yours would, though.

An EPA. Yeah, I know there are probably some Texans who don’t think you need one but, given how big and powerful the Texas oil industry is, you’d better have one if any of you ever expect to breathe again.

If you want to insure that the food supply and drug supply are safe for Texans, you’d need an FDA. If you don't want your banking and insurance industries to steal you blind, you’d need regulatory agencies for them (such as an FDIC). If you want Texans on the job to keep their arms, legs, and heads, you’d need an OSHA. And on and on.

Oh, and one more thing:

A Constitution. You wouldn’t be protected by the United States Constitution any more. I hope you trust Governor Perry and his friends to write you one. Hey, if Thomas Jefferson and James Madison managed to write one, how hard could it be?

I respectfully submit that secession would be an extremely expensive idea and I do not advise it.

I further think that a man who flirts with such an idea without thinking it through has questionable judgment at best, but the Governor’s judgment may not be the biggest problem here. You see, the thing about most political disputes is that both sides are based on the premise that My Position Is Better For The Country Than Yours. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking at opposite sides of Right to Life/Pro Choice, Tax the Rich/Taxes Are All Evil, Separation of Church and State/Teach Intelligent Design in the Schools, even Gay Rights/Don’t Let Gays Marry, Adopt, or Serve in the Military; generally speaking, the people on both sides of each issue think the United States would be better off adhering to their position.

Most political disputes. Not all. Does Governor Perry actually think Texas secession would be good for the United States? If he wants to be President of the United States, this question becomes extremely relevant.

There are two choices. Neither reflects well on the Governor.

1. He believes that Texas secession would not be good for the United States, in which case he is not a real patriot.

2. He believes that Texas secession would be good for the United States, in which case he is not a real Texan.

Though there are certainly a few Texans I wouldn’t mind cutting loose, the United States would not derive sufficient benefit from cutting them loose to make up for the tremendous loss that the secession of Texas would entail.

Lyle Lovett and Willie Nelson as foreigners?

No way in Hell.










Views: 762

Comment by JMac1949 Today on June 4, 2015 at 10:17pm

"...There is nothing wrong in America today that a change in leadership will not make happen..."  I'm assuming that Perry actually said that because grammatically it makes no sense whatsoever.  I think what he meant to say was, "There is nothing wrong in America today that a change in leadership will can not change or make happen better."  What can I say aside from Sam Rayburn, Lyndon Johnson and Anne Richards, most politicians from Texas can't find their butts with both hands, yet to their credit, that state of confused mental incapacity doesn't keep them from getting elected.  R&L Ya'll ;-)

Comment by koshersalaami on June 4, 2015 at 10:22pm

Oh, it makes sense grammatically, but it means the exact opposite of what is intended. What it says is that changes in leadership make what's wrong in America happen. 

Yes, he said it. I copied it from a video on the Daily Show, so I heard him say it and wrote it down. In fact, I replayed it to get it exactly right. 

Perry reminds me way too much of George W. Bush. That was not my idea of a successful President. 

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on June 4, 2015 at 11:33pm

it is time for stewart to retire. the other night he had a general on.

a man responsible for unaccountable suffering, and he treated him with due goofy deference as he always does..

Margaret and I had watched john oliver earlier...he was incensed about the goddamn FIFA scandal and did a fine job skewering the fishies in the barrel, floating in front of all men and women of good sense.

he pissed me off.

ok, your point here is well taken, and it is always taken even before you bring it up, usually..

here is what is new and good and fresh and fun in what you write:

Though there are certainly a few Texans I wouldn’t mind cutting loose, the United States would not derive sufficient benefit from cutting them loose to make up for the tremendous loss that the secession of Texas would entail.

we watched that abominable film AMERICAN SNIPER with the kid last night. He loves it. He says it shows war as a video game.

It gutted me and Margaret.

a texas trained born killer. a perfect killing machine.

from texas came the greatest tragedies of our civilization...jfk murdered...the bush family...untold horror released from that place.

secede yes. soon.

I don't pay attention to what texas says, I gotta admit. what is the damn use?

bloodthirsty and

accursed.

texas.Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one state under God, one and indivisible.

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on June 4, 2015 at 11:38pm

Texas is a state of mind. Texas is an obsession. Above all, Texas is a nation in every sense of the word. And there’s an opening convey of generalities. A Texan outside of Texas is a foreigner.

  • John Steinbeck, pt. 4, Travels With Charley: In Search of America (1962)

ok so the damn four eyed fool (he wears glasses now to look smarter and more humble)

grumbled about secession.

he stands no chance of making a damn bit of difference in the upcoming theater of the absurd, the republican nomination...

he is a joke.

texas is a joke.

a bad one..

Dylan, from TOGETHER  THROUGH LIFE, 2009

If you ever go to Houston
Better walk right
Keep your hands in your pockets
And your gun-belt tight
You'll be asking for trouble
If you're lookin' for a fight
If you ever go to Houston
Boy, you better walk right

If you're ever down there
On Bagby and Lamar
You better watch out for
The man with the shining star
Better know where you're going
Or stay where you are
If you're ever down there
On Bagby and Lamar

I know these streets
I've been here before
I nearly got killed here
During the Mexican war
Something always
Keeps me coming back for more
I know these streets
I've been here before

If you ever go to Dallas
Say hello to Mary Anne
Say I'm still pullin' on the trigger
Hangin' on the best I can
If you see her sister Lucy
Say I'm sorry I'm not there
Tell her other sister Betsy
To pray the sinner's prayer

I got a restless fever
Burnin' in my brain
Got to keep ridin' forward
Can't spoil the game
The same way I leave here
Will be the way that I came
Got a restless fever
Burnin' in my brain

Mr. Policeman
Can you help me find my gal
Last time I saw her
Was at the Magnolia Hotel
If you help me find her
You can be my pal
Mr. Policeman
Can you help me find my gal

If you ever go to Austin
Fort Worth or San Antone
Find the bar rooms I got lost in
And send my memories home
Put my tears in a bottle
Screw the top on tight
If you ever go to Houston
You better walk right



Read more: http://www.bobdylan.com/us/songs/if-you-ever-go-houston#ixzz3cAQdgsYc

Comment by koshersalaami on June 5, 2015 at 12:20am
James,
Texas produced LBJ, our greatest civil rights President.

I'm a New Yorker by upbringing. One thing about being a New Yorker is that it is one of America's most concrete regional identities, with distinct accents, stereotypes, archetypes, assumptions. Say "New Yorker" and everyone will have an image. As far as I can see, that's true of four American locations:

Metropolitan New York
The South
Appalachia
The State of Texas

There are others that half qualify, but not to the same extent:
Boston
New Orleans
Chicago
maybe Maine


But Texas? Absolutely.
Comment by Heidi Banerjee on June 5, 2015 at 3:01am

After a president with a high IQ and charisma , it would be a great mistake to let someone in with less to offer.

Comment by Heidi Banerjee on June 5, 2015 at 3:07am

James, that Bob Dylan is not only an artist; he has an amazing insight into political developments. That song you entered is really saying it all. B.D. is one of the great songwriters of our era. (Reinhard May among others)

Comment by Jonathan Wolfman on June 5, 2015 at 3:41am

Now that he wears the BuddyHollish specs I can vote for him. 

(That'll Be the Day; Maybe, Baby)

Comment by koshersalaami on June 5, 2015 at 3:59am
I never thought of Buddy Holly
Comment by Heidi Banerjee on June 5, 2015 at 7:00am

Sometime we have to wonder who gets into the highest chair in politics. Hitler, Stalin, Ceausescu, to name only a few.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9P-JrjCRkhI

Comment

You need to be a member of Our Salon to add comments!

Join Our Salon

NEW BLOG POSTS

Square Knotted Red Bandanna

Posted by J.P. Hart on May 23, 2019 at 6:02am 1 Comment

The Problem With Peace

Posted by Robert B. James on May 22, 2019 at 8:29am 6 Comments

UN-PUBLISHED!

Posted by John Manchester on May 21, 2019 at 10:33am 1 Comment

The Pace Quickens

Posted by Robert B. James on May 21, 2019 at 6:11am 3 Comments

Tariffs

Posted by koshersalaami on May 20, 2019 at 5:53pm 27 Comments

The Wall

Posted by Steel Breeze on May 20, 2019 at 11:43am 4 Comments

A Little Spanish Night Music

Posted by Rodney Roe on May 20, 2019 at 9:49am 11 Comments

Now Now

Posted by Robert B. James on May 20, 2019 at 7:51am 4 Comments

© 2019   Created by lorianne.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Privacy Policy  |  Terms of Service