The first photo was taken in 2008 at a campaign speech by then Sen. Obama, who shook my son's hand.
The second photo needs no explanation. 
Both are from previous posts.


Particularly after the end of Open Salon, I find there are people I speak to here who don't know me well enough or long enough to be aware of the biggest event in my life during the period I've blogged, since I believe early 2010. I am referring of course to the unexpected death of my son. 

It comes up sometimes. When people learn of it, I don't know if they're curious or being polite or don't want to ask me about it for fear of dredging up memories. I am perfectly willing to talk about him which those who know me better have probably figured out given how many times I've posted about him or, perhaps more accurately, about being his father. 

Given that J (shorthand for my son; I don't use his name for privacy and then I turn around and forget and use it occasionally in the posts) had cerebral palsy, which thank God did not affect his intellect but which affected his body with extreme severity, the experience of being his father was not a typical one, and so there are things people learn from some of my posts, about what such an experience was like, what the experience of losing a son is like, and a little of what Jewish ritual is involved when it comes to the death of a family member. 

And so I will try to remember to collect links to all the posts, all of which I've transferred to Our Salon (and some of which were double-posted here to begin with). I doubt I'm finished writing about him. I have no idea what will trigger another post. In only one case, the first post, mostly written two weeks after his death and published a few weeks after that, will I include the original Open Salon comment stream. Or a slightly truncated version, as some of those who commented eventually left OS for one reason or another and so their comments disappeared. Those that came late enough to be double posted have their own Our Salon comment streams which are active rather than part of the post itself. 

I won't say "Enjoy" as that's probably inappropriate, though not all the posts are serious. 

For convenience, because I'm basically lazy, rather than linking to the titles I'll simply put the link up after the title. It will get you there just as fast. The post just won't look as pretty. But, unusually for me, at least I've included a couple of photos with this one. I'll include a short note about each post. These are not completely in chronological order. Original post dates are included with each. I do, however, start with the first and end with the most recent.

I will update this post as I add more Tales of J posts.

Thank you,

Ks


-------------------------

Reply to a Friend Checking on Me   (2/24/12)

Originally written as an e-mail to Lezlie, L in the Southeast, two weeks after J's death. Includes most of the original comment stream.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/reply-to-a-friend-checking-...


18 (about J)    (4/9/12)

On what would have been his 18th birthday. There’s no term equivalent to Widower for what I am.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/18-about-j 




J Would Have Turned 20 Today  (4/8/14)

How the outside world seems so normal in the aftermath of something that feels so momentous

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/j-would-have-turned-20-today 



Tales of J: A Rookie Parenting Mistake   (4/11/12)

He was two. I accidentally swore in front of him.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-a-rookie-parenti...



Tales of J: Medical Communications   (8/15/12)

Nurses and doctors know how to treat, but they often have no idea how to talk to us. Also, the biggest scare I've ever had. 

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-medical-communic...



Tales of J: The Empire State Building Story  (8/19/12)

My nine-year-old son triggers a street protest in Manhattan

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-the-empire-state... 



Tales of J: An Unveiling, a Yahrzeit, and What Felt Like a Cosmic Gift  (1/12/13)

Strange things happen on some of J’s birth and death anniversaries. This is one of the cooler ones. And what it’s like to finally get a headstone after visiting an unmarked grave for a year.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-an-unveiling-a-y...



Tales of J: A Strange Yorzeit Occurrence  (1/8/15)

The kid lets me know he’s there on the most recent anniversary of his death. At some point, I can’t write this stuff off to coincidence any more.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-a-strange-yorzei...



Tales of J: On Becoming a Disability Civilian   (8/22/12)

A day in the life. Really, the first part of a morning in the life. J, or more particularly his disability, kept me busy.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-on-becoming-a-disability-civilian


Tales of J: Going to Summer Camp Then and Now   (6/25/13)

J started summer camp at five years old on, of all places, Martha’s Vineyard. Cool place, camp.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-going-to-summer-...



Tales of J: Broadway Music at Friday Night Services   (4/21/13)

A fun tradition that started completely by accident. Sometimes I still do this. Less now. Fewer people to serve at the Jewish old age home.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-broadway-music-a...



Tales of J: Two About Politics (9/7/12)

The kid meets Candidate Obama (picture above). The kid talks to Sec. of State Albright at dinner when he’s four years old.

 http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-two-about-politics 



Tales of J: Dinner in his Honor  (4/8/15)

A couple of weeks before I posted the index.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-dinner-in-his-honor



Tales of J, or in this case, really me: Reacting to J's death at the time  (4/23/15)

I didn't initially react like I expected.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-or-in-this-case-...

 

Tales of J:  An Unexpected Time Capsule (7/16/15)

Cleaning out the closet in J's old room, I run across his backpack. The contents show what was going on then.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-an-unexpected-time-capsule


Tales of J: Halloween  (10/31/15)

How do you make a good Halloween costume for a kid in a wheelchair? 

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-halloween

Tales of J: When My Father Was My Age (6/10/16)

Being out of town when J was born.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-when-my-father-w...

Tales of J: a summer camp doctor describes an encounter with J (6/30/16)

The doctor at J's summer camp describes an encounter with him.

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-a-summer-camp-do...

Tales of J: Yorzeit, it’s been seven years (1/8/19)

Includes a link to a video of an electronic musical New Years card with him in it three weeks before his death

http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/tales-of-j-yorzeit-it-s-bee...

Views: 443

Comment by JMac1949 Today on April 22, 2015 at 1:17pm

Thanks Kosh, I'll be going back through all these links to read or reread your J posts.

Comment by Arthur James on April 22, 2015 at 1:25pm

`

sad...

memories...

But, pass through

sad... Life is Joy too

`

I shook Michelle

Obama's hand 2- 

X's. She shakes a

modified dap. and

firm shake as the

local car mechanic.

`

photo?

deleted.

it was @

Art James

`

 ( Annabella )

She helped with

cut & past photos

`

betrayal...

all deleted.

shameless?

`

total depravity

`

thinking of your

sad. no invite any

more miseries? no

`

Life brings enough

Suffering. No add

more compounding

`

Unnecessary Grief

`

no be diabolic fool?

as huh? damon tool.

Take care. Be well.

`

Do honest good work.

`

invite?

Glenn?

Greenwald?

He increase

reads? Say?

`

Howdy

heehaw

and take

calm nap

`,'

ok

Comment by koshersalaami on April 22, 2015 at 1:29pm

Art,
I'm not adding grief. Far from it. The memory of my son does not generally make me sad, even though I miss him. Sometimes it does. Sometimes I just like to remember. Some of the stories are kind of wild. 

Comment by Arthur James on April 22, 2015 at 1:42pm

`

okay..,

and jest?

seriously...

` fess up '

NSA know?

`

We people 

are not as

stupid, and

easily duped?

`

or?

we look?

as if sad

sack ill

clowns?

`

I tune out.

It aggravating.

Folk need 

no sly ill

deceit...

`

later...

`

I try to wean

off. it not easy

to go cold turkey

`

but gobblers and

mules Entertain.

It soon Nap time.

`

Comment by koshersalaami on April 22, 2015 at 1:44pm

What does the NSA have to do with my son?

Comment by Arthur James on April 22, 2015 at 1:49pm

`

ask?
`

cc

`

no get

my 

sympathy?

`

cc

`

investigate

`

no use sad

realities to

plead for

phony

adulation?

`

it gettin' too

sad to visit

at 'our ' huh?

salon? kosh?

sigh... sad...

`

later...

`

Comment by koshersalaami on April 22, 2015 at 2:01pm

Not looking for sympathy, Art. Looking for people who don't know me particularly well to understand where I come from. 

Really, that's a lot of why we write. 

I could read your comments without knowing anything about your military service, but knowing about it fills in gaps. It helps me understand who you are. This helps other people understand who I am. In a lot of ways, actually, not just the experiences but how I view them, how I talk about them, how they affect me, what I choose to say about them. 

Why do you write?

Comment by Arthur James on April 22, 2015 at 3:01pm

`

I banter...

I write? why?

It for health.

It to Be Sane.

`

thanks...

`

I left, and felt

vast sorrow.

So?

I pass vis it.

`

I sat under a

Wipping? no.

Weeping Willow

Tree. I read in a

Hebrew Literature

Book. The Peaceful

Home is like when

Guest Gather Round

a Festive Feast Table.

The Guest, Family,

and Eaters are as

the Branches Spread

abroad, and Stretching

Across the Family's

Communion Table.

The analogy was ref:,

a Olive, not Police? no.

The Peaceful Olive Limbs

Reached over the Table.

Olive Leaf - Peace - Aye.

`

I came back because?

I was sad, and I admit?

I know sad... We all do.

`

I just came back to the

free wifi service. Sign:

it read: no Trespassing.

no skateboarding, but,

I no read `no comments.

`

I get...

sad transforms.

I am acquainted?

With? Sad, Grief,

and Familiar with

deep-felt pain, aware.

`

But...

If we alive?

we feel pain

`

I write some

private, personal

notes in note pad

`

thanks...

`

I had to express

that before Sun

Set, and Night

Veil drops. Ah!

`

Blessed Rest...

`

no let anger,

any animosity

be within when

Nature's Sun Set.

` okay '

`

good question.

I got 1,001 

reasons why.

`

# One in war

meant Good.

`

# 10 meant

Bad - Evil  -

False Face

`

I Love a Joy

Bright Facial

Countenance.

`

She rids me of

enormous sad.

She take war?

As? out of me.

`

Gratitude

`

Beatific

Simple

Beauty

Honesty

True

Reality

`

Understanding

`

on and on...

`

Oh, for quiet

gentle inner

Spirit - Peace

`

Joy...

Unspeakable.

not manufactured.

`

vent...

`

apology?

`

who knows?

it reality...

it get goofier?

`

Comment by Julie Johnson on April 22, 2015 at 6:13pm

Kosher, this is the part I like the best so far.  ''Looking for people who don't know me particularly well to understand where I come from. ''

Thank you for sharing.  I like your writing anyway, but this will be a good one to get into.

Comment by koshersalaami on April 23, 2015 at 4:43am

Keiko, you inspired this. 

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