Not certain, but I may have been macked on by an old lady at the grocery yesterday.

I try to go at odd times to avoid the rush. Getting buggy-trapped in the center of an aisle is an issue for me. Never hungry and never totally straight, I like to cruise the cart slowly, leisurely like. So I was doing just that, mostly unencumbered by crowds and kids, but it seemed every time I came to a section where I was actually going to pick something up, there was someone standing directly in the way of the item I longed for. As if in a bad dream, I was so close but yet so far, as some woman slower yet than myself stood for minutes straight, pinky finger in corner of mouth like Dr. Evil, staring at the actually rather sparse selection, unable to make a call and move on. 

So, I needed bread crumbs you see, but equal parts stupid and stoned, couldn't locate the bread crumb aisle. It was my last item; I'd been in there an hour and a half already and started remembering the world and my life out there. I was, after all, hoping to exit before the sun set. From the far end, I spotted them, Progresso Italian crumbs, and some other types. In big picture consideration, I would have grabbed any of them and fled to check out, if an old lady hadn't ducked into my aisle from the other end, and beat me to them.

There she parked, only other person besides me in the lane, di-freaking-rectly in my way, doing the slow ogle. A lady of quality and class, maybe, wearing the skin of some poor furry creature over her shoulders, she reminded me of Lovey from Gilligan's Island. Mrs. Thurston Howell III esq.. Not that I was staring, but that was the image that came to mind, mind you. I bided my time patiently, pretending to be interested in the items across from the damned bread crumbs as I waited. Time stood still as minutes turned to hours in my head, and finally, having had enough, I kind of snuck around to her blind side and long-armed me the biggest cardboard can of crumbs I could grab, so as to avoid having to once again bread crumb shop any time in the near future.

And off I went, or so I thought, but oh no. Lovey engaged me in conversation!

She turned to me and said "excuse me, I noticed that you picked up the Progresso Italian crumbs. Are those good?"

Her eyelashes were long, surely too long, heavy black mascara painted with upturns on each outer side, Cleopatra style. Her hair was white-blonde, well done by a pro, that was obvious, and I thought I could see that once upon a time she was probably quite attractive. Her voice and speech had certain lilting qualities that were pleasing to me. Surely, once again, a lady refined as the midwest has to offer, though on the slippery downslope side of life. 

"Well, yes" I replied "they are quite good." That's the best I could come up with. Are bread crumbs good? But of course!

"So, what are they, exactly?" This one set my head to spinning.

After a pause, befuddled more than a bit, I answered. "Imagine taking bread, fresh bread, and toasting it, then crushing it into small bits. Then adding some herbs .. and stuff."

She took that in and I could see the wheels were spinning behind those heavy lids. 

Then, "if you don't mind me asking, what do you use them for?"

"No, I don't mind" I offered politely. "There are a plethora of uses. Tonight, I will be coating meat with these breadcrumbs, to do an oven fry, if you will."

Seeing she might be on the right track .... "OH!"

So once again, I set the buggy in motion, wondering if indeed there would still be daylight on the outside.

But then "how about in a meatloaf?"

I smiled and gave an enthused thumbs up, and replied "AB-SO-LUTELY!"

And, finally, on my way.

As I strolled to the checker I muttered aloud to myself, how does a woman get to be that age and not know what to do with bread crumbs? Certainly, this was a ruse on her part to start a conversation with me. Did she make it this far in life, never having to prepare a meatloaf?

No way. It was ME that she wanted. Bwahahaha!!

I exited then, into the full darkness of night. 

Views: 501

Comment by Arthur James on February 8, 2016 at 4:32pm

gads...

I call 9-11

ands ask IF

She can send

a Puffer over?

She can tell?

my blog is?

hacked?

So?

what's

new?

`

later

``cc``

`pause '

no report

to FBI? huh?

``cc`` pause

`

Comment by Arthur James on February 10, 2016 at 12:13pm

`
tr ig
`CC` NO
GARGLE
RAW GOAT
MILK &
PROGESSIO
BREAD CRUMBS.
`
GOOGLE MOH?
`
John Phillip
Baca? Baca a
POT-FLOPPER
with a Good
Heart. We be
sorta ` sots '
and war blood
Brothers. I stop
off to see? we well?
`
I have been in Good
Anguish State. O, to
Ponder and Feel and to
Be Sentient. I'll share
with ` cc ` Advisors.
`;`
`
pause
`

Comment by tr ig on February 10, 2016 at 1:31pm

`~' 

(^-^'

Comment by Arthur James on February 11, 2016 at 10:37am

`

`~'

tr ig

(^-^'

`

i hope we
are Prepared

to Experience

a ` SERIOUS '

psycho-totally

OPEN-WIDE

mental 

UPHEAVEL.

`

BUT it be a

good opening

Honest aye...

`

PSYCHIC

Opening

UPHEAVEL 

`

POP

OFF

`

i go Visit

Brain Pickings

`

maria popova

SHE'S AS

lovable as

a  Lovely

Neighbor

`cc`

`

Comment by Rosigami on February 11, 2016 at 3:19pm

Hiii Trig! For many years, people with shopping carts would find ways to crash into me, no matter how determined I was to stay out of everyone's way. (I have witnesses to this phenomenon). It seems to have eased off a bit recently. I am hoping to become "shopping invisible" at some point. 

You, apparently, are a babe magnet. Enjoy it! 

btw, breadcrumbs are exceedingly yummy on baby spinach quick-sauted in olive oil and garlic. if you like that sort of thing, of course. 

Comment by tr ig on February 11, 2016 at 6:31pm

I ADORE BABY SPINACHES ROSI

and I have a lot of crumbs now .. two pounds

Thanks and Hiii back ! Daisy J and Art too

Comment by Oryoki Bowl on February 21, 2016 at 9:26pm

I would like to try your meatballs.....

Comment by tr ig on February 29, 2016 at 5:39pm

Everyone likes my meatballs Dr. B

Comment by Sheila Reep on March 1, 2016 at 9:24am

Just smile and write about it...wondering never hurts a soul.

Comment by tr ig on March 2, 2016 at 11:05am

Sheila ? ? Wow. You old hooker!

Bad news folks. Lorianne rigged the 3 item feed against me, changing it from monthly to weekly. Nothing personal I'm sure. Now I have to post something, isn't it

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