Judas asked that this conversation be held away from the others even though they were to be a group without secrets. Jesus complied.
"You said to enjoy the light of the world and I do. It's wonderful and euphoric and bliss. It's a debt I can never repay and this feeling of gratitude I have knows no bounds. But something happened at the temple today."
"When you were cleaning up the temple and throwing out the money people I thought it was hilarious and healing and was laughing riotously. To show we can live free of money was so liberating I thought everyone would join in and celebrate. Instead, a furious fellow grabs my shoulder from behind and begins to berate me for laughing. At first, for the life of me, I couldn't imagine why."
Jesus was well-versed in the arguments of the world but asked what the man said.
"He said I was jeopardizing his livelihood and the lives of his family. He said that's no joking matter and that he found my laughter highly offensive. His face was boiling red and his eyes murderous."
"And what did you say to him?"
"I was speechless. He was a man so deceived he sided with the false hope of money, as if that would save him and not doom him. He didn't trust any of your actions or stop to ask the truth of your beliefs. He said you were a madman who must be stopped, that you suffer from "unrealistic idealism" and are a member of the "professional left" who do nothing but criticize."
"Do you believe any of that to be true?"
"It's absurd, a complete perversion of reality. But I can see now if you keep pushing they will kill you. It's been bothering me for some time and I've finally been forced to face it."
"What would you have me do?"
"Don't let them kill you. Don't let them take the light out of the world. If you stay, in time they will be forced by the light to see the folly of their ways and we can live in peace and harmony like we want. Is that not the goal?"
"We must let Nature take its course to keep ourselves free."
"But that too leads to death. Life must have meaning! Life must have a point. If the light in the world cannot be allowed to exist then there can be no life. So why be put into a doomed situation? Why even create us to begin with?"
"Have I not spoken of the divine intervention to come? Of the time when tears are no more? Your love will not be wasted, do not do like most and deny yourself the gifts that you deserve. I can see that man broke your heart today. But do not abandon life because fools rule the world."
Believe they have won in both Heaven and on earth,
will be educated otherwise
"To abandon you has never crossed my mind. But I thought your words were so self-evident and your joy so overpowering there was no way we could lose. All that has been accomplished: the miracles that changed our consciousness forever, this conquering truth that has been unleashed - and you will let them kill you? This I cannot accept. You ask too much."
"But where do you think the future lies? Not in this world but in Heaven. The Light will not cease. The future remains the same. Have you not listened to the good news?"
"Well, yes, but..."
"Then rejoice we are not limited by the darkness of this world that must one day perish forever. We'll be living as brothers in the Light, of our own free will. You know this to be true."
"I thought that was what we were accomplishing now. Can we not win both here and in Heaven?"
"Judas, my friend, you were born with more faith than rest of the others combined. You also have no faith whatsoever. You must pick which kingdom you choose to serve."
As is well known, Judas sought refuge in the world, not the Word. He went to the religious leaders as they were posed (falsely) to represent God in this world and pleaded with them to "wake up" Jesus and not let him be killed. Judas hoped that when faced with such mealy-mouthed and murderous men Jesus would alter course - just as he had. The elders assured Judas they too did not wish to see Jesus die and would ensure he did not endanger himself.
This put Judas in a giddy (though still uneasy) state. He would have his cake and eat it too! The money he got was a fig leaf for his motives, to convince the elders he was a man of the world like they so they could trust him. Judas thought he was being slick but the elders were laughing at him all along - for they knew they were not to be trusted. This fool Judas would serve as their useful idiot. At last one of Jesus's own would renounce him! This was the break they'd been waiting for.
When Judas watched Jesus be turned over to the death sentence that was the Romans, he was terror stricken, disillusioned as to the self-fulfilled prophecy he'd just achieved. "If only I had kept my mouth shut! Now I'm left with nothing, separated from what and whom I love!" He flung the useless coins aside and found the nearest hanging branch, literally drowning in the irony that everything he had done, he'd done in the name of not making his life unbearable.