the Great Housecleaning Debacle of 2016 has ended. there was a glitch, of course, because of Godiverse, but, as steven wright says, "you can't have everything. where would you put it?"

now, i have this theory that because Godiverse is very very busy, you have to be very specific with him/her/it. you can't just ask for a good housecleaner. you have to put out in to the ether that you want a cleaner who is not one just in her own mind. so you have to specify that this person not be delusional and that -- would have never thought to have ask about this -- this woman not have a cockatiel that somehow fell out of his/her cage and broke his/her wing. i'm ignorant on the subject of Birds. really ignorant so i assumed that birds' wings prevent them for falling. now, i know that domesticated birds' wings are snipped but i guess i thought that they had pretty good balance since you always see them on their various perches and maneuvering around their cages using their claws and beaks. looking more than fairly agile.

in any case, i was not prepared when this "cleaner" texted and said that she could not come to do an estimate because this cockatoo/wing thing had happened and she had to wait for the vet to come to her house and treat said bird. now, i had made very clear to this person that i keep vampire hours and she had made a point of telling me that she would be happy to come and clean in the evening. so, okay the plan was for her to come here after the vet had been there. at 5 or 6 pm. i made it clear, again, about the vampire thing and that she could come as late as the vet thing ended. so, of course, i get a text that the vet is running late and she will come the next day. so apparently what she said about coming late was pure bullshit. now, i get it that she was concerned about her bird. i love my pets. i get it. but she was only coming here to do an estimate, not to clean. so it was not a lot to ask for her to leave the injured animal for that short a time. especially since she knew that i had badly injured my back tripping over my gigantic kitty gary cooper while he was weaving himself between my legs as i was walking -- because he is a CAT and does not give a shit about anything or anyone, not even his Food Provider, plus he has more confidence than Godiverse because he is an extremely glossy and gorgeous tuxedo feline and prowls around like a mini-panther -- and causing me to fall on my hip. that i was in serious need of someone to tidy up my packrat-ish home.

so, okay, whatever. and i'm getting a weird feeling about this because she did not mention having to call and reschedule her clients because of the bird falling episode. and, of course, because of the being specific with Godiverse thing and my neglecting to carefully outline, to him/her/it, what i wanted/needed som of course, she texts the next day that when she drove to the vet -- no idea why another vet was needed but, hey, again, not familiar with this species -- her upper back somehow went out. she actually wrote, "ouch, it hurts." and can she come the next day. and now my BS detector is flashing red! because this is pure fiction and because, again, she has not mentioned having to move her cleaning appointments around.

so i realize that, as i was coming to realize, she is not a housecleaner. i don't have any idea who she is or what she thinks she does but who the fuck thinks to ask someone who has responded to your post for housekeeper, "so do you actually do this work? do you have a bird that might fall and break its wing? do you have actual people for whom you provide these services? does the middle of your back tend to fall apart and cause you to write, "ouch, it hurts." like you are child. not to mention that you know that me, your aging prospective client, has severe back/hip issues because of tripping over her dangerous feline-american.

of course i lost my freaking mind. i was pissed off and annoyed with Godiverse for not warning me that there are Cleaner Frauds out there. i mean, shit, who knew? i basically told her everything that i've told you. that i didn't believe that she actually did this job never mind have some kind of cleaning company. that she had any clients at all because she had so much free time to roam around the city with the injured bird. and that i certainly did not believe that she had damage to her back from just sitting in the car driving. i used much much much more colorful language, of course, being a longshoreman trapped in an old broad's body. i also pointed out what a mean and nasty thing this was to do since she knew that my cleaners had moved away and that it is challenging for me to do this work myself because my back truly does go out when i do it. and that i do not just say "ouch" when it happens. i say, well, you get the idea. basically i seriously needed her help. she responded with the subject line House Cleaning. i did not read it. i was afraid that i might go over some edge and not be able to get back again. if the subject line has been "I am so sorry. and here are my references.", well, i would have considered skimming what she said.

it took me a day or two to recoup from this ridiculous mindfuck. i had some choice words with Godiverse about this "having to be really specific" thing. and he/she/it reminded me once again about how busy busy busy he/she/it is and i told he/she/it that he/she/it has an attitude problem. and a pretty pronounced Deity Complex. needless to say, we did not part on good terms. we have a pretty contentious relationship over all.

Part 3 will be next. the good news Part.

Views: 76

Comment by koshersalaami on October 31, 2016 at 10:16pm

Good luck

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on October 31, 2016 at 10:47pm

thanks, kosher. i think i'm okay with the cleaners i found. they seem like really good hard-working people. but i'm not counting any chickens. but these frauds and flakes take a big toll.

very cute cartoon in the new yorker. one pumpkin says to the other. "i'm all in for Trump. he's a person of color."

Comment by JMac1949 Today on November 1, 2016 at 6:19am

R&L ;-)

Comment by alsoknownas on November 1, 2016 at 8:00am


Nut jobs are everywhere.

I spent the weekend painting a friend's mom's house in preparation to rent it to provide needed funds for her new assisted care life.

We didn't want to tweak our backs hauling it away and then have to text "ouch" to anybody. He tried to give away very usable furniture on Craigslist. Nice pics etc.

The callers? People who not only wanted free furniture, they wanted it delivered free too.


Comment by JMac1949 Today on November 1, 2016 at 8:09am

aka, some people are pigs.  Have your friend cal Salvation Army or Goodwill, they pick up and you get a charity deduction on your taxes.

Comment by JMac1949 Today on November 1, 2016 at 9:25am

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on November 1, 2016 at 7:11pm

oh god, AKA, thanks for sharing that!!! people seem to be getting increasingly out of touch with the world, with manners and such. the internet and these ubiquitous phones... people, and young ones in particular, rarely interact with In Person People.

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on November 1, 2016 at 7:13pm

jmac, as always, thanks for the encouragement of my very very bitchy post. and you are so right about people being pigs -- some of them -- and about goodwill and salvation army. i had a weird experience with one of them where the guy, when he came across something that wouldn't sell, he would just fling the item to the ground. but i'm sure that 99 percent are lovely poeple.

Comment by Theodora L'Engle Knight on November 1, 2016 at 7:15pm

oh god, jmac, so glad that someone i like and love saw his interview with Samantha Bee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is such a delight. so funny himself and i loved how much she was able to crack him up. she is a hoot. hope you posted this for everyone to view. can't wait to see what he does when he's outta there.


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