"If you wore a trend the first time around, you don't get to wear it the second time around."
- Stacey London
Oh, Stacey London, you are the Socrates of Style. If only people listened.
Like death and taxes, one can always take comfort in the consistency of bad fashion making a return appearance in our culture. It is a testament to the creative limitations of the fashion industry.
And proof that we are a planet of lemmings.
I’ve often wondered where fashion trends are born. I know where they all die - in the back of my closet. But what sort of demented mastermind came up with the idea to resurrect culottes (which first came into fashion as knee-breeches commonly worn by gentlemen of the European upper-classes from the late Middle Ages or Renaissance). Yeah, I read shit.
I picture a room full of these guys huffing hairspray and coming up with the Summer line.
I have been unfortunate enough to have been the willing victim of several hideous fashion trends. Just like the rest of you, I have happily worn shoulder pads so big I had to go sideways through doorways. I’ve worn neon mini skirts with suspenders and sang “Oh Mickey You’re So Fine” whilst kicking up my sparkly tennis shoes.
Let’s take a moment to walk down memory lane. Well, not so much memory lane, since most of this crap is back or on it’s way back into the fashion focus. Maybe more of a walk of shame.
Parachute pants or the “I’ve taken a dump and you can’t tell” pant
A bit of street pimp with a dash of Ali Baba.
Jesus, Chris Brown, did you beat Rihanna with that thing?
The One-piece jumper
Just because you could make it in you hobby room, does not mean you should.
I want to wrap him in a blanket and put him down for a nap.
The item of clothing that knew no racial, gender or economic boundaries.
Here, let me just put on my jaunty chapeau before I hit the fields, Pa Joad.
I…wha?....huh??? I am a business man. No, I am a blue collar man. No, I am a bookish hipster. How about just NO!
Double Bonus Now:
What do we love more than a hillbilly? A BRILLIANT hillbilly!
I could go on for many pages about neon, ripped up t-shirts, Varnais sunglasses, mock turtlenecks and platform tennis shoes. But, I think we all get the rather sordid picture here. So, I will leave you with a quote from my favorite famous gay, who is NEVER wrong.
“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
― Oscar Wilde