the godawful horror known as St. Patrick's day

March 16, 2013... 2:11pm 

Eleven minutes shy of ten hours 'til it's officially St. Patrick's day central time. The weather is shaping up to be exactly what we here in shit central the beautiful heartland expect every March 17th.

Forget that Thursday and Friday (yesterday) were stellar award winning Weather Channel editor's picks---70 farenheit, blue skies and soft balmy breezes tickling ankles, attempting to rise up legs to poof boxers and delight tender nethers. Cut that temperature in half and toss in full druid-dark cloud cover, and you have today. Add in a northeast wind of 15 to 35 mph and some bitterly driven precipitation that varies from sleet to barely warm enough to be full liquid, face biting rain, and you have tomorrow, Saint Patty's. I've checked the forecast to verify, but really, I could have saved the effort. It's the same every single year.

I used to suffer the parade downtown. The parking and walking, the freezing and balking, the alcohol and inevitable drunken squawking at cops and yes, mocking . . them.

"Where's yer green ya bloody copper? That's right, fuck me, I'm Irish! Arghh!! What? That's right you blue wearing too sober protestant, I'm an Irish pirate!"

Poor cops, what an awful assignment. I do hope they got and get double time pay. Even that isn't enough. I've seen full riots, the kind where people can be trampled to a smear and forgotten, later to be on missing persons lists---casualties of St. Pat's.

"You seen Ramone?"

"He was heading to the parade last I heard."

"I told the boy not to go.down.there.. OH MY GOD!"

"Aye... tears then. Condolences."


I no longer have the heart, or soul, or more precisely... the full measure of foolishness, that it takes to endure all of that. The risk is just too high and the weather too shitty. 

I do have some Irish that I come by honestly, so I've been told. Must be so 'cause I've been hankerin' fer some corned beef and cabbage with potatoes. I asked li'l Ms. Jenny me lass to grab a corned beef at the price chopper yesterday when the sun still shone. She texted me.. "THEY ARE FIFTY DOLLARS! 10 pounders at $4.99 and there's only two and they look like hammered donkey ass!"

Yeah well, still sucks less than Christmas. Gold pots at ends of rainbows and tornado season ahead. Aye!

image.. buy a t-shirt and contribute to the cause.. arghh

Views: 169

Comment by Anna Herrington on March 16, 2013 at 2:40pm

Ha!  Yeah, the green beer days are over for me too. Thank goodness!  Now St. Paddy's is just my mother's and my father-in-law's birthdays....our town's large pagan contingent ensures lots of orange-wearing drunks around know, to protest St. Pat's getting rid of the, orange-wearing, they look awfully similar stumbling around....yuck. So attractive, that obliterated look...

Happy St. Patrick's Day to you and Jenny, from the other couple sitting around not going to the parade  : )

(My sister lives in Boston -- they go out of town for St. Paddy's Day!)

Comment by David McClain on March 16, 2013 at 4:06pm

You nailed the weather beautifully. It is supposed to turn to shit tonight and tomorrow. I find that I am just too old to do St. Pat's day justice anymore and I am thankful it is one of those holidays we can safely ignore without catching grief from our kinfolks.

Comment by JMac1949 Today on March 16, 2013 at 4:40pm

Never understood  St. Patty's day?  Green beer, boiled corn beef and cabbage farts??  Can someone please explain?

Comment by tr ig on March 16, 2013 at 5:47pm

JT.. it's a better holiday for people less aged? Maybe.. haha

David, figured you and o/e could relate to the weather, except wait, o/e is probably in the Caymans. March is a cruel mistress around here.

JMac I certainly can not explain. The parade here which is now one of the larger, was only revived about 40 yrs ago. Before that me and mine never did Irish things much, so I endeavored to catch up as a young adult, then got disgusted with it all. Ha..

Comment by Jenny on March 16, 2013 at 6:05pm

I'll buy a sexy green teddy and we can start a new tradition.  

Comment by Anna Herrington on March 16, 2013 at 8:55pm

Jenny....dang I ought to have thought of that one....     : )   

tr ig, I will ignore that crazy-ass aging remark, old man.  : P

Rita, I will clarify that 'green beer days' did not mean I actually drank any! But the days of having it spilled on me as I tried to order some non-green beer beverage....those days are over. No disrespect to any authentic Irish intended, as far as my comment!  Green beer?  Deschutes Green Lakes beer (is that only west coast beer??) now...that's tasty I hear. (west coast green bud? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......)

Happy St. Pat's to all you guys ~

Comment by Zanelle on March 16, 2013 at 9:16pm

Sucks less than Christmas but not by much.  Religion causes problems.

Comment by koshersalaami on March 16, 2013 at 9:46pm
Enjoy. I drove all day and into the night to get to Orlando (wife has a conference). Weather's great. Parking is $25/day, Internet access 15 (so I can talk to youse guys) and a Coke is about seventy-five bucks at this time of night
Comment by Rosigami on March 17, 2013 at 10:42am

Hey Triggers!

No more beef in any form for me. Gave up all mammals a few years ago and feel much better for it. And cabbage sucks (sorry, aficionados) . Still, gonna make some soda bread and we'll have that with butter and home-made blackberry jam as a snack halfway through band practice today.  And after we run through the regular repertoire I'll get off the keyboards, pick up the fiddle, and we are going to play about a bazillion Irish tunes, until our heads are spinning and our fingers are sore.

That's what I call a great St Paddy's day. Hope yours rocks, too.


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