As a Child, We all grew up looking at the best of life and the enjoying the goodness of life. Money, Cars, Wife/Husband, Great Job, Etc.  No One every looks at what we may become, understanding the key was if we allow the dream not to slip away and get catch-up in the game of life. We were made to win and enjoy the little time given us.

Just ask a child what be you want to be when you grow up? None will say Homeless, broken, Sad, Unemployed, Drug, Love, Sex, Drunk, Shopping Addict and the list goes on Etc. We only see the best because really we know that we are born to win but we allow life to tell us what we will be. Nobody really tells you how to take control and to manage your life. Instead we coach our Children into believing dreams don’t come true and the finer things in life are not for you and you can’t be you because the world will not accept you for being you.  We never talk about uncle or aunt whatever, who was called the black sheep of the family and that you could end up just like that in life.

Let me talk about me for a minute, grew up in a great home with great parents and enjoyed the best a children could have in life.  What no one told me is about the make-up of the family and the ghost that could take me over and the warning signs I should look for in life. They never talked about that relative that was addicted to whatever life made their personal battle. So we grow up blind until the time comes when We change and want to find us. only to wake up to a dark truth that damn, I have an addiction.  Believe me when I say all all have one and it can make or break you throughout life.

So, We go through life looking for answers to the question what happen and why me!  Why you because it is designed to make you go for something better in life when we get relaxed about life, It makes us grow up and face ourselves in the mirror and say I am better that this! Addiction is a reality that plays in all our lives like a curse that is only for you to deal with and it’s true only you can deal with it. But there is hope in knowing you can overcome all things.  It’s is that God will not put upon you anymore than you can bear and this is truth. Sometimes it just looks so damn dark, with no support to where you just throw your hands up and say it me. I am going to just be myself not looking at the others it cause pain and affection.

So here it is the Confession of An Addict. I learned in life that I was born with a gift and a curse called addiction.  I could find myself loving and going overboard with anything as long as it felt good at that time to me and only me. Many times to regret the actions of the past, I didn’t care, it’s my world and forget how you felt.  Addiction become a self centered quest of falsehood, beside my mother don’t smoke, drink, do drugs and worked hard. My father had a beer after work and smoked his cigar. I thought I could be different because I saw their shortcomings and said no it will never happen to me. As I got older my Addictions started to jump on me like a monkey on the strongest tree it could find.  Hell, by 16 years of age I had a great job with GM, graduated early from high school, had my high school sweetheart on lock down, but on the other side I had drinking, partying, and not looking at me for who I was. Slipped into the darkness of life.

Then, I turned back to God thinking that he was going to just magically remove all the problems I had built.  No I forgot rule number one, What goes around, comes around. 2. what you speak into the world will test you. 3. What was my purpose and calling in life, Who am I here for? and the greatest of all the things I missed was that God had my back and I didn’t have to do it alone. I always used the excuse well everyone else is doing their thing why not me? Not knowing that my life was planned long before I was and what I was going through was only to make me strong and to have a story to tell to others in the same boat I was in.

The beauty of this all is. I have made it to 54 years old and wiser. have children of my own and grand child that I can love and tell the whole story of the pitfalls that tried to over run my life.  As God told me I gave you the power to be what you want and the choice to mess up or have victory, Now What you Going To do?  The beauty of it all was to be able to walk away from the workplace and chase my dreams again. the beauty is knowing that I make a difference in someone’s life and help them through.

This is a part of a book that I am now working on enjoy the trailer and stay tuned there is more to follow, I have found out how to live and not just get through: Confession of an addict.

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I’m Not Playing

Posted by Robert B. James on May 23, 2019 at 8:25am 2 Comments

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