I found this old draft sitting in my draft file. I'm not sure why I never published.
I have evidence that Sen. McConnell is a zombie. My investigative sources found a death certificate for a "McConnell, Senator" in Honolulu, HI dated 2003. Strom Thurmond aside, Senate rules do not permit you to serve in the Senate if you're already dead.
The RNC has been trying to keep this under wraps, but I've been organizing protesters to keep the pressure on. We've been printing posters saying Zombie Go Home! and picketing the Capitol. We've been accused of fabricating the death certificate but the evidence is overwhelmingly on our side.
I mean, have you looked at Sen. McConnell?
We Democrats might be able to get a supermajority in the Senate if we find enough Republican zombies in the Senate. That would turn the filibuster argument into a moot point.
We've sent information about this to Donald Trump but we haven't heard back yet.
In order to change the balance of power in Washington, we need your support. Can we count on you?
We need people to put bumper stickers on their cars. We need people to wear T-shirts.
Say No to Zombies
Plotz Along With Mitch
If you can't afford a T-shirt, just take an old Grateful Dead T-shirt and label it "Sen. McConnell."
Join Deathers Of America. Or, as we're abbreviated,
The truth will out.