I have been so down this weekend, not suicidal but totally hopeless. I read a post yesterday on symptoms of fibromyalgia that people find embarrassing and found out that a lot of things that have been bugging me are attributable to that disorder. Does this mean that I am stuck with the body odor and sleeping all weekend forever? I surely hope not.

I took to Facebook, as I do sometimes in extremis, and posted on the astrology page that I was feeling down. The post currently has 117 comments, some of them me replying to posts but mostly from the awesome people in that group. They like me! It turns out that there are people there who count on me to lift them up when they are down. Who knew.

I'm a little better now than I was at 9:00 this morning, but not by much. I have completed my Sunday chores though I haven't done anything with the spare room that I was going to start organizing this weekend, and putting stuff aside to get rid of. I am taking my victories, though, in what I did get done.

The other thing I am going to do is actually start looking for a new job. I was going to work on updating my information in the H.R. website, and still can after I finish this. I want to find a job that's 30-35 hours a week instead of 40, I am so tired of using all of my energy to go to a job that leaves me no energy to do anything else. I hope that by cutting my hours I can get some of my joie back. I can't do it where I'm at because my new boss thinks that I need to sit on my thumbs waiting for an emergency to happen. He's also trying to put obstacles in the path of my potential service dog  after blocking me from attending classes. Keep in mind that this is the guy who wrote my letter of recommendation to get approved for the dog; apparently he didn't factor in me bringing it to work. I am now very sorry that I suggested to him to run for this job. The "good" news is that it's not just me that he's doing this to, the secretary who just got her Masters is being harassed because he knows she's looking for a job. Her faculty are trying to get him to expand her job to pull in her new skills and he's refusing, and asking her whenever he sees her for her job description so he can be ready to post it when she leaves. I'm pretty sure that's not legal. I suggested another person for her faculty to talk to, we'll see if that goes anywhere.

I am still getting through this one minute at a time. I'm practicing a habit of successful people and trying to only touch stuff once, which has helped me a lot at work. I had a backlog on my desk at work that was smothering me and I've gotten it down to one more big task. I'm doing it mostly with my mail at home but I still have stacks of stuff to sort. I did find the two gift certificates that I got for Christmas at work and I will be inserting the Amazon certificate into my account to keep it safe. I will need to find someone who likes Starbucks for the other on, although there is a Starbucks on my way home now, I could use it for snacks to get me through getting off of work and getting home. No drinks, though, those things are too hot to deal with while driving. They gave me $20 this year! They are a generous couple as they give these cards to several people.

I do feel better now, I've had some soup and took some generic Excedrin and gotten some things out in writing here. That always feels better. I wish there was a way to never have a depressive episode again.

Views: 216

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on February 11, 2018 at 3:36pm

They like me!

HEY!  Just one freakin minute there, sister!  We liked you FIRST!  We get dibs on you, dammit!!!  LOL

Comment by Phyllis on February 11, 2018 at 3:46pm

I like you, too! But I never get 117 comments from you all.

Comment by greenheron on February 11, 2018 at 4:33pm

Phyllis sorry to hear you're feeling blue!  This winter might have something to do with it. Don't know what you've got there but here it's cold and gray and gritty and too much driving in the "wintry mix". Spring is on the way, another month. New job sounds exciting! What do you want to do?

Comment by Phyllis on February 11, 2018 at 4:48pm

Greeny, the winter is definitely getting me down but I have outfitted my most used lamps with those LED bulbs and that has helped  A LOT! I don't know what I want to do in the new job, but I have time to look so that's good. I am also NOT telling my boss that I'm looking, I don't want him on me about it. The big thing getting me down this weekend was that post on fibromyalgia. I keep forgetting that it's such a big deal.

Comment by Ron Powell on February 11, 2018 at 5:02pm

"I like you, too! But I never get 117 comments from you all."

Kind of hard to get 117  comments from 9 people.

That's 12 comments each....

Comment by Phyllis on February 11, 2018 at 5:28pm

That is asking a lot, isn't it, Ron.

Comment by greenheron on February 11, 2018 at 5:28pm

Ron also knows how to post those giant things!

Phyllis, is your diagnosis fairly new?  If so, you'll learn to deal with chronic illness, re-learn your body, its responses, tricks and things that work–or don’t, things that can throw you, like that article. I was staying with friends in San Fran one summer, having a great time, until they showed me a painting by their friend. Her name was the same as mine, and my friend’s husband’s exact words were, “ S had breast cancer too. They thought they got it, but it came back. She passed away”. People can say stuff that wounds. Took me a couple days to bounce back from that one.

Good luck with the job hunting! Maybe something to do with gardening? You'd be good with that.

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on February 11, 2018 at 7:31pm

Bart Simpsons Chalkboard

Comment by Anna Herrington on February 12, 2018 at 11:58am

xoxo Phyllis!!

My husband can get quite depressed and I am sometimes so exhausted by the incessant tap dance and pony show I seem to do just to not spiral down myself.....

that I have nothing to offer as far as depression, other than I can relate and I so hope the season's turn helps.

Finding a new job does sound like an excellent idea for you if that's a path you are into. You clearly are good at taking care of your financial business so I know you'd find something that keeps you afloat.... and maybe enriches your spirit a bit more!  I do hope you find good management tools for fibromyalgia....it sounds debilitating and difficult. I feel for you. 

117 comments!! (Holy cow, I'd run for the hills. Too much attention! EEK!  : ))

Comment by koshersalaami on February 12, 2018 at 12:32pm

Comment 12

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