Study Finds Women with Larger Butts are Smarter and Healthier: A new study from the University of Oxford determined that women with larger than average butts are not only more intelligent, but also very resistant to chronic illnesses. In related news, Oxford University has announced they will award Kim Kardashian an honorary doctorate for her contributions to medical science.
Spanish Construction Workers Find 600 Kilos of Roman Coins: Local officials report that construction workers have found 600 kilos (1,300 pounds) of ancient Roman coins while carrying out routine work on water pipes in southern Spain. Researchers believe this may very well have been the booty for someone who knocked off an ancient Roman parking meter.
Weasel Shuts Down CERN Collider: The Large Hadron Collider, the world's most powerful scientific instrument, went offline after a weasel fell into the machinery causing a "severe electrical perturbation," temporarily shutting off the collider. CERN officials say all systems were working perfectly until all of a sudden it was like “pop, goes the weasel!”