Study Finds Concussions May Cause Alzheimer’s: In what may be more bad news for the NFL, a study published in the journal Neurology found that people who have suffered concussions are more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease as they get older. You mean to tell me that endlessly slamming your head into hard objects at high speeds year after year after year after year could have a downside? Why I’m so shocked, you could have knocked me over with a feather - or maybe even a 240-pound linebacker.
Study Finds Single Men Not As Bad-Off as Once Thought: A new study about men seems to contradict previous studies assessing men who remain single for all their lives, finding that while marriage usually means men will make more money and reduces the likelihood they will commit crimes, single men seem to have more friends and have deeper connections to them, demonstrate more emotional self-sufficiency and have a heightened sense of self-determination. Well, they’re certainly right about one thing - single men commit more crimes. I’m single and I have a rap sheet so long, it would make Al Capone blush. What crimes you ask? Why I rob the married men who make more money - of course. And talk about determination, why I’m completely determined to commit even more crimes. So there you have it - study validated!
Stephen Hawking's Wheelchair Sells for Nearly $400K: The wheelchair of theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking, which was expected to sell for somewhere between $10,000 to 15,000, just sold at an auction for nearly $400,000. All I can say is, that’s theoretically one hell of a lot of money. I mean, about the only way I’d ever be able to come up with that kind money is if we transcended into some kind of parallel universe. Anyway, I hope whomever bought it puts it to good use - otherwise, it’s like throwing your money into a black hole.