I have a confession to make: while I am the first to mock folks who watch reality shows such as the Kardashians or Housewives of Where-ever, I love Big Foot shows.

Technically, they are not reality shows because Big Foot does not exist (you heard it here first). Whether is it is Mountain Monsters, Finding Big Foot, Alaska Monsters or any of their spin-off and derivatives, watching fat, pathetic, armed red necks stumbling around and falling over each other in pursuit of something that does not exist, never gets old. I guess this means I would enjoy a Trump rally or a Texas open carry demonstration as well.

Anyhow, as I mentioned in my previous post, I signed on to Kindle’s Writeon site. What follows is my first contribution to their Weekend Write-in challenge. Submissions must be 500 words or less. The prompt was "what happens when a character receives unclear instructions."

It may surprise to learn that I churned this beauty out in 20 minutes flat. I don’t believe in wasting time before I make a bad impression.

The scene: Two Big Foot hunters in the woods on a moonless night

Hunter 1: Shit! My damn flashlight just went out! It's pitch black in these woods!
Hunter 2: I told you to do like me and wear your night vision goggles. Don't worry, I can see you.
You are about 100 feet in front. I will guide you to me. There seems to be a sharp drop-off on the left, so be careful to stay right.
Hunter 1: Your right or my right?
Hunter 2: (long pause) your right is my left, right?
Hunter 1: Right!
Hunter 2: Right as in "you are correct", or right as in right?
Hunter 1: Left, left, left! I hear a waterfall off to the right.
Hunter 2: Okay, I wouldn't go that way. There is a large hairy creature over there taking a piss against a tree.
Hunter1: You wouldn't go which way?? Your right or my left?!
Hunt 2: I wouldn't yell like that if I were you. I think he hears you. He's scratching his balls and sniffing around. God! That critters got a set! Message me on my cell. I have it set for vibrate.
Hunter 1: (in a loud whisper) Text me first. I don't have your number. Hurry, I'm scared shitless!
Hunter 2: Oh sure, I gotta use MY minutes! There! (A long pause) Why aren't you answering?
Hunter 1: I didn't get it! Are you sure you rang the right number?
Hunter 2: The 7687 number?
Hunter 1: That's my work, you asshole! I'm not at work, I'm in the fucking woods, with a fucking moron, about to be raped by an ape!!
Hunter 2: It's okay for you to get all snarky, but don't forget who DIDN'T bring his night goggles.
(Long pause with rustling and grunting all around)
Hunter 1: Are you still there? I'm sorry for what I said. I forget how sensitive you are. Are you still there? Is that you coming to lead me back?

Well there you go! I haven't been booted out yet. Someone questioned my use of the play format, but two people defended me. I take that as a good sign.

Views: 186

Comment by koshersalaami on January 10, 2016 at 9:43am
Are you aware that one of the bloggers on this site is a Bigfoot afficionado, and he means it? I refer to Doc Vega.
Comment by Gerald Andersen on January 10, 2016 at 9:44am
Kosh: I'm sure he has a sense of humor.
Comment by koshersalaami on January 10, 2016 at 9:44am
Comment by Zanelle on January 10, 2016 at 9:49am

Some people take all this very seriously.  I watched that show for awhile and it is very entertaining.  They found a rock cave and some rock piles that looked like signals made by the creatures.  Good take on the foolishness however and the fun.

Comment by JMac1949 Today on January 10, 2016 at 10:00am

R&L ;-)

Comment by tr ig on January 10, 2016 at 10:06am

Gerald Andersen! Assuming you really are Gerald Andersen of course. This is choice stuff. Potential for ape rape or death by cliff, which is worse? What a set. Write on!

Comment by nerd cred on January 10, 2016 at 11:56am

What this country needs is a cross between the volunteer army and the draft: people like bigfooters and militias and Bundys spend their lives in the military where their excess testosterone (or whatever it is) can be controlled and put to constructive use. Building WPA type shit if nothing else. And staying out of the way of the rest of us.

Comment by Gerald Andersen on January 10, 2016 at 1:21pm
Kosh: I read Docs story, at least the first two parts, and found it very entertaining. Not an expert on Norse myths, but part of his story is just s retelling of the Beowulf saga. Humans have always needed monsters and outside threats to battle against, be they dragons or Big Foots, but the real enemy is always ourselves.
Zanelle: Some of these shows don't take themselves seriously, they are so obviously faked. Stations like History Channel and Nat Geo that used to produce serious documentaries have ruined their reputation with faux alien and monster crap.
Jmac: Thanks!
Tr ig: good hearing from you. Of course it is the real me. Who else would assume ownership of the drivel I peddle on this page? Hope all is well with you.
Nerd: You may be onto something!
Terry: I've been a slacker.
Comment by Alysa Salzberg on January 10, 2016 at 2:21pm

Haha!  Well, if it's a site associated with Kindle, I'd imagine several readers are going to go into your story expecting it to turn into one of those porn-with-iconic-creatures deals that sell so well.  Although that's not what they'll get, at least they'll get a good laugh in compensation - and a great ending, even so. 

Comment by marilyn sands on January 10, 2016 at 5:41pm

Maybe it's just me - but your Dialogue reminds me of Bud Abbott & Lou Costello fun!  R&L 


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