ok so you know its been a hard year, hard couple years, few, several.
and i have not been wanting to do things, like, EVER, lately, and i was worried i might be getting depressed i dont even want to go to my writing group, which i normally love. but it is VERY taxing, that writing group. three hours long, and you do and you listen to very intense writing.
so i started to think about excitement vs non-excitement. and i came up with a list of things i am still excited about:
seeing a tiny handful of friends. a tiny handful. three, roughly. four. five if you include my friend in new jersey. after this past summer, when so many friends failed to be there for my son, i admit, several important friendships took a hit and i dont care if i see those friends or not. which doesnt mean i wont have fun if i DO see them, but they are not who they used to be, to me. i do not pick up the phone to call them.
i am excited about the things i am doing for my writing, like applying for residencies that are close to home. that writing excites me - the idea of long chunks of time to write something substantial, i love that idea.
going to the berg collection at the nypl, and reading charles dickens's real true letters that he wrote. holding paper he touched. very very excited about that. tho it does compete with: NOT excited to go to the city and freeze.
i still always get a rush if i am around someone who can talk about books or art. like, gives me a rush, excited. rare, but i do have one friend always good to talk about some writing with. and we have the same taste, so that makes it even better.
that snowflake shaped snow sure excited me. and the rainbow sparkles it made the next day. RAINBOW colored!
bernie. so excited about him its not even proper.
michael moore's new movie.
how cute my hair looks after my haircut and color. it was four colors and uneven, after me tending to it since last fall, including a really bad day when i hacked it off in one swoop after it taking too damn long to wash. my haircut guy told me today to be glad it takes too long to wash. i said i would try. i said, "at least you know i am not cheating on you with another salon!" he laughed pretty hard and said, "if you are, stop!"
i am really excited about a band called darlingside. here, let me add a song of theirs. i am super grabbed by a new song about once every 2 years at this point. i saw these guys a month or so ago and i LOVE them, and not just one song. oh god it kills me. listening again now. the fact they are insanely cute and wear tight pants does not hurt. sue me. i listen to them so often and repeatedly that my son begs me not to put them on again.
writing a kickass poem is still exciting, and still happens occasionally. i will have a second book out by the end of the year.
the idea of spring and summer, still super excited. the idea of a trip to san diego, of being in balboa park again, of seeing my friends out there again, really exciting. not sure if its going to happen soon, but my exercise here is making sure i AM still excited about things, and i am.
i dont know, is that enough? i think it is. i think its plenty. life isnt a happy dance. i think thats lots of things to be excited about.
so, open call - what are you excited about?