I created the whole thread of sex over 60 to figure out my life and as life would have it I had to regroup from a death of a loved one. I don't have that many close relatives left. A bunch of cousins who I love dearly, but they are very conservative, and I would never share my personal life with them on that level.
Bringing me to the topic of what is immoral? As I inherited the personal effects of my cousin I found a photo essay another one had written about her aunt and uncle. Nothing too exciting in it, only this 3rd cousin mentioned my father being the local gossip and he shared with his cousin, her aunt, that some immoral girl helped her mother with the dishes.
Wham! I know he was talking about me to his cousin. (I made a point of doing the breakfast dishes when I came home as I figured my Mom could use a break.) Where is the love? Shouldn't your father have your back? I can remember when I was engaged to get married the first time in 1979 that he and I were getting the riding lawn mower working so I could mow their lawn. Unfortunately, every time the mower didn't start he would share with me little tidbits about his sex life before he married my mother.
Did I want to hear about some 15 year old girl him and his brother both fooled around with when they were in their twenties? That's statutory rape these days. It was an uncomfortable 10 minutes, to say the least. Where does he get off gossiping about me being immoral?
I was divorced from that marriage eventually, and I suppose in 1980 a divorcee was immoral in rural Kansas. I do remember all the nerdy guys at the bookstore I worked at got all excited I was divorced as we'd all go out to happy hour after work. Did they really think I had to have it so bad, I'd fool around with them?
Throughout the dawn of time women were to be made to feel bad about their sexual selves and men, aw, they were encouraged and lauded for it.
I can remember by the time I was living with the man who'd become my second husband, I made the announcement to my parents that I was moving in with him. They didn't bat an eye. (My mother had had three children out of wedlock before she met my father so that in itself had put me in some weird reality where virtue was concerned.)
Then he and I went on a road trip to Yellowstone National Park. We got home early after returning so I called to tell my folks we made it home. By then, my father had spoke to his older sister over the phone and told her we were on a trip together (he must not have mentioned we were co-habitating).
So on the other end of the line I hear, "I know what you two are up to." He went on to explain Aunt Amelia didn't think it appropriate we be traveling together.
Say what? Isn't it fun having your family being first generation Americans and not get it was the sexual revolution because they were already in their 70's and 80's when I was 30? I just rolled my eyes at him which he didn't see since we were talking on the phone.
That boyfriend, soon-to-be husband, was about as sexual as a rock. I say that with love, and we broke camp everyday and I was exhausted from blowing up not one, but two air mattresses as he smoked and had no lung capacity. The idea that we were having hot sex out in the wild must have freaked them out, and yet would have made me deliriously happy!
It seems having a happy sex life has eluded me most of it. Both husbands were more into drugs, and rock n' roll but eh, the sex part didn't matter to them.
To be stigmatized as immoral seemed kind of harsh.
What about women in the sex trade? Aw, I'll leave them alone. They gotta make a living. And how about polyamorous women? I had a nurse practitioner once ask me if I was still sexually active. (This was when I was in my 50s). I told her yes not wanting to get into details. She then asked me if I was using condoms. Then I had to explain I would if my partner ever actually achieved a boner. See, how hard I've had it in the sex department? Then she goes on to share with me she has a husband and a boyfriend. Huh? Why'd she go there? Was that a hint to get a second boyfriend? Does her Aunt Amelia know?
Which brings up to the whole casual thing. Would sex be more fun if it's casual? I've had my flings, and yes, but as woman we are conditioned to be monogamous, right? And our virtue is in question. Or do you get to move on from that after 60? Just enjoy life?
I'll tell you. An early lover, who has kept in touch with me on social media, contacted me to tell me he'd be coming to my city and wanted to see me. Well after 40 years we did see each other. It was the most amazing thing to meet again after all those years. I found him attractive and visca versa. We had a wonderful afternoon. Am I going to go into detail? Hell, no, and Aunt Amelia can mind her own business.