Do you have limp, drab-looking hair?  It may be because you subscribe to common hair-care myths that styling professionals and hair-care scientists have debunked through careful study of magazines lying around in beauty parlors.  Here are some of the most harmful hair-care superstitions that people still cling to.

1.     Dirty hair on men is sexy.  The French started this one after they fell in love with Mickey Rourke, the actor who washes his hair once every four years, like the Olympics.


Mickey Rourke

The truth is actually somewhat simpler.  “Women do not find dirty hair to be sexy,” says stylist Ivana Burr.  “Women find dirty hair to be dirty.”  If you want that recovering-wino look that Rourke and others like him favor, wash your hair every other day using a low-pH shampoo, then apply Quaker State 10W-40 motor oil for a glossy sheen.   Remember, the French eat snails and think Jerry Lewis is a genius.


Pure genius.

 

2.  There’s nothing you can do about split ends.  The old rule used to be “Once it’s split, that’s it.” Also, “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit!” and “54-40 or Fight!” But new products on the market allow you to repair old hairs while new ones grow in.


“My split ends are gone, but I have seem to have acquired a new pet louse.”

 

“I especially like 3M’s individual Hair Tape Stickies, sort of a cross between scotch tape and Post-It Notes,” says celebrity hairdresser Jimmy Fo of Hollywood.

 
Phyllis Diller

“Granted, they make you look like Phyllis Diller on a good hair day, but that’s a small price to pay, less than it would cost for me to give you a new layer cut.”

 

3.  Brush your hair 100 strokes a day.  You should brush your hair only to achieve your desired hair style, says follicle-biologist Hyman Kaplan of the Pringey School of Cosmetology, Highland Park, Illinois.


The Breck Guy

 

“Many young people with small allowances over-brush their hair as a substitute for creme rinse,” he notes.  “If you spend that much time brushing your hair every day you may find that your brain is under-developed when the time comes to apply to college.”

4.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  One thorough washing is usually sufficient, says Thurman Goodson, chief of police for Phoenix, Arizona, where the movie “Psycho” was filmed.


Janet Leigh in “Psycho”.  Unfortunately, she repeated.

“If Janet Leigh had stopped after she rinsed the first time, she’d probably be alive today,” he says mournfully.

 


“The more I come here, the shorter my hair gets!”

 

5.  Frequent trims make your hair grow faster.  Who told you that? Hair grows from the roots, not the tips, so if you want your hair to grow faster, get a “whiffle” or crew cut for maximum hair speed.

 
“Hair . . . feeling . . . weaker.  Need shampoo booster shot!”

 

6.  Hair Can Become Immune to Shampoo.  This “big lie” is perpetrated by the Shampoo-Industrial Complex, which persuades millions of women to buy both regular and “clarifying” shampoos.  Let me “clarify” something–your problem is shampoo buildup, for which the answer is not–more shampoo.


“Your . . . uh . . . hair looks great!”

 

7.    Rinsing with ice-cold water after shampooing gives you shinier hair.  No, but it will give you better nipple definition.

Available in Kindle format on amazon.com as part of the collection “Take My Advice–I Wasn’t Using it Anyway.”

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