Anxiety is at a new high for me. I am experiencing many of the same physical symptoms I had when I was pre- and post- divorce. During those years, pharma helped, but I'm not going down that road again.
I have to make some changes in my life, like staying away from the news except for headlines these days. I get the gist, don't worry, but discussion seems fruitless and has become very upsetting.
About a week or so ago, I wrote to every single sitting US Senator. It took me 3 days. I reminded them that they represent not just their own State but as a body, the whole country. I encouraged them to take measures to stop the chaos that is this POTUS and work on removing him by invoking the 25th Amendment.
It made me feel good to do it.
I got a couple form letters back saying they didn't communicate with people who weren't their constituents. I thought that was just rude.
Mostly, I seem to just have gotten on mailing lists (when given the option I said NO every time, but I don't think that got read, either)
So now I hear from Ted Cruz like every day. :: makes strangling sounds in back of throat ::
My life is good, otherwise, and I'm really okay. I have a life partner who is truly that in every way. We enjoy each other's company, and we spend a lot of time together. We have a beautiful home, and lack for nothing of necessity. Neither of us is particularly acquisitive and we like things simple. We have a band, and we perform a few times a month. The BLP has been retired from the workplace since before I met him, and he spends a lot of time on music and woodworking projects. (He's almost finished with the music studio he's building on a piece of our land behind the house. It's fucking gorgeous! Post to come when it's all done.)
And, I paint. I have been doing quite a bit of that. It feels so good to get lost in the process and emerge at some point later, calmer and more centered. It's become a necessary thing in my life. If there are a bunch of days when I can't get into the studio, I can feel myself getting cranky.
This latest painting is called Sentinal. There is a little beach at the foot of the Tacoma-Narrows Bridge on the West side, in a tiny jewel of a park that is a little hard to find but worth the trip. The high tide comes almost to the trunks of the deciduous trees along the edge, and the beachfront, such as it is, is dotted with fallen and bleached trees.
The one in my picture still stands watch.
Sentinel (c) Rose Guastella 2017 Oils on canvas, 16" x 20"