Scientology Members Now Consider Tom Cruise a Deity: New reports from inside the church, say actor Tom Cruise is now considered a deity among members of Scientology. No kidding? Hell, I always assumed God would be a whole lot taller - you know, like David Koresh. But it makes sense though. After all, it’s a well known fact that any deity worth his salt has had at least 3 failed marriages. So there’s that.
Scientists Say Scotty the T. Rex Is the Heaviest Ever Found: Paleontologists have concluded that the remains of a 30-year-old Tyrannosaurus rex fossil nicknamed “Scotty,” which was found in the Saskatchewan province of Canada in the 1990s - is the heaviest (at 19,555 pounds) and oldest of its kind ever found. Wow, just imagine how long “Scotty” might have lived had he taken better care of himself? That said, it’s kind of scary to think that even millions of years after you’re dead, people like me will be making snide comments about how much you weighed, the exercise you got and what the hell you ate. Downright shameful, if you ask me.
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Say Manatees May Lose Endangered Status: The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is reviewing whether to remove the manatee from it’s endangered species status. In a related story, analysts say a recent price increase may cause Manischewitz Wine to lose its “preferred wine status” among those in search of a cheap drunk.