Scientists Find Pain Reliever in Coffee Similar to Morphine

Scientists Find Pain Reliever in Coffee Similar to Morphine:  Brazilian scientists say they’ve discovered a protein in coffee that has effects similar to the pain reliever morphine.  The only difference being that buying morphine is sure a helluva lot cheaper than buying coffee at Starbucks.

Research Shows Meteorites Triggering Avalanches on Mars:  A research team has concluded that as meteorites careen toward the surface of Mars, they often trigger massive avalanches, even before they hit the ground.  Fortunately, no injuries have been reported. 

Brothel Owner and Republican Candidate Dennis Hof Dies:  Dennis Hof, the ultra-conservative brothel owner who won the Republican primary for the Nevada state legislature and who was good pals with the likes of Donald Trump, former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio, Tax Reform President Grover Norquist and Tucker Carlson, has died in his sleep at the age of 72 after throwing a massive three-day birthday party for himself.  Sadly, now that they no longer have their pimp candidate to vote for, I suppose evangelical voters will be forced to find a new candidate to support.

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