Time runs quickly or drags
can bring delight
or wound the soul
unearthing ghosts
that will not stay buried
this last year
time has dragged
bringing about nights
filled with restlessness
days brimming with doubt
sleep ruined by nightmares
fatigue of the mind and body
fueling further fears
as one waited for
time to right its self
  midnight comes and goes
sleep outside one’s reach
all this madness
brings about a sickness
of the soul and mind
yielding a deep poverty
of passion
which renders one useless
exiled in a colourless void
that consumes
and offers nothing
in return

~ 72x48 acrylic on canvas, M.C.S., 10th line woods

For the last year I’ve struggled with this canvas. Why? I cannot really say. It was started back in April of 2014 and it was a struggle from the start. Colours wouldn’t render correctly for me. I wasn’t pleased with the brush strokes. To this day I’m not able to describe exactly what the matter was. I know that now and then I undergo periods of dark anxiety so often without cause. I think most creative folks experience this condition. However this was something different. I often thought to just stop and gesso over the canvas and be rid of this ongoing problem but I feared if left unfinished it would haunt me and that left me fearful and unable to really work. As it was I couldn’t paint without fear for months hence all the pencil work displayed lately. Today I finished this beast and I feel exhausted and yet freed. Or perhaps finishing this project was an exorcism of sorts.

Views: 156

Comment by JMac1949 Today on June 5, 2015 at 8:37pm

Glad you stayed with this most excellent painting.  It's nearly photographic realism...

"...a deep poverty
of passion
which renders one useless
exiled in a colourless void
that consumes
and offers nothing
in return..."

This strikes home for me.  R&L 

Comment by Zanelle on June 5, 2015 at 9:49pm

Yippee!  Free at last.   It is beautiful and I can feel the bark.  Rough.  Life is rough.  Don't give up.  Find a way to sleep that brings you peace... finishing paintings like this is the right road to stillness.  I am striving to be happy.   Why is that so difficult?  My daughters say to reach out and help someone.  hmmm.....

Comment by Julie Johnson on June 6, 2015 at 4:34am

You painted it and you wrote it, and I'm viewing it and from my perspective I can almost see the ghosts in the woods beckoning me to follow.  These words, ''unearthing ghosts that will not stay buried'', and then 'waited for time to right itself' are the ones that hit me this morning, after another restless night.  What a gift you have, and thank you for sharing. 

Comment by M. C. Sears on June 7, 2015 at 12:18pm

Thank you all for dropping in reading and sharing your comments, it’s so appreciated.

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