Poll Finds 81% of Americans Can’t Identify Single Living Scientist: A new poll found that a full 81 percent of Americans could not correctly identify a single living scientist when asked to do so. Well, that certainly isn’t true in my case. Hell, I’d know my proctologist anywhere.
Power Goes Out at High-Tech Showcase CES: The lights went out at the nation’s premier consumer-technology conference CES, leaving thousands of attendees and a legion of shiny gadgets in the dark with no power source. Luckily, quick-thinking Convention Center officials immediately bused in scores of elderly people from senior centers on an emergency basis to teach totally bored and idle millennials how to play marbles, jacks and step ball. Some were even taught how to compose and send handwritten letters back to their parents.
Steve Bannon Ousted From Breitbart: Unable to quell the furor over remarks attributed to him in a new book, former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon has been forced out of far-right website Breitbart and will step down as its executive chairman. Good grief, something like that is enough to send our friend Bannon off on a three-day bender. Now let me see, where the hell did I put that bottle of Popov vodka?