PLATEAU

it was
the perfect goodbye.
i just didn’t know it
at the time.
it’s not like the lesson wasn’t there,
all along.
by chance, we danced of Spirit,
and raised our voices,
but in song.
and yes,
i can see i did some Penance,
in retrospect;
waking up from quakeings
that ran through me,
from things you said.
but still,
i saw a Self-Believer;
i never saw a Deceiver.
and i never will.
if you wanted to lay money on it,
i’d take that bet.
the soul you carry
says that you’re the True.
and yes,
it was lovely,
knowing the likes of you.
i even said,
all along,
that you brought an answer
to the song about how Tenderness
is hard to find.
but it was only a place ~
to belong.
and belong, i did, for a time,
even though knowing
that you’re a rogue.
i held a wee place.
i saw it in your face.
in your smile;
oh yes,
so very strong.
but that smile is yours,
and it’s for you.
i dare not temper it,
or tamper with it,
or try to imbue a world
that was not your own Creation.
it would only be too easily
misconstrued.
for the time with you
was, simply,
brand new.
to not be needy, greedy,
or grasping,
expecting more;
to only enjoy the time of Is,
and to explore.
no past.
no future.
only the Present’s fruit.
i love that you found your Path,
at last.
and knowing that the Stardust you imparted
is just Truth.
Fact.
i always smile,
but now,
even wider than before.
your admonishments to carry on
from my own insights
were never ignored.
and so, you are indelible ~
and will never disappear.
maybe it was only my Ego
that wanted more,
to hear.
but then, Life is like that ~
ends come into play,
and things shift,
when one is waylaid;
deciphering boundaries,
why they were there,
and how they will be replaced.
always odd to me,
how Momentum is built by two.
the impetus, the impact,
of a mutual decision,
to go forward,
together,
through.
and then how only one
becomes separate,
as if under glass.
and the other is left --
without.
tap.
tap.
tap.
neither ever spoke of the lines we drew.
but then, i suppose,
i too have done this same,
myself.
i’ve no idea of the impact on Others
i’ve created,
or what they’ve felt.
i only know you came along ~
within my sight.
and for a time,
i knew a Rapture,
carried within what you said is Right.
it was an Allowance,
a Time,
that let me seek, and grow.
to bespeak .. new words,
and of letting go’s ..
and that is enduring.
so, Thank You, for ever,
and even - after.
who knows the Seed we see that pulls us in?
yes, often,
it presents as lover,
or even friend.
you just go aloft, in time, in space,
seeing only a mutual kind.
but then, too ~
you never really know what the Other
had in mind.
it matters not to me now,
as i leave that place.
for to pose question to another
and expect an answer
disallows their Grace.
the hungers that lurk in your own Within
are yours,
and yours, only.
they fruit or wither upon your decisions
to be blinded or enlightened,
fulfilled, or lonely.
so, Thank You,
for the visions you allowed.
  i was indeed a hungry person;
i know this now.
long buried,
were the fears i’d held inside.
and it was only by touch
that they emerged;
my recoils, so startling,
so abrupt, my words,
that i was floating between
the Inner, and the Outer worlds.
but facing them, the source, the reason,
and why,
brought me to the gate of purging,
release,
and emergence, back into Life.
there is no need to hold them any longer,
now.
other Times, and Places,
created all that, somehow.
so yes, of course you came along.
and ooh! ~ so lovely was your song.
but..
the time has come to see you,
clearly, and strongly
within your own Vows.
for those Vows are not mine,
i only heard them,
juxtaposed to my own.
and felt them,
shimmering whispers...
hold on ~
or let go.
but to not engage the question at all
released the power of the Present
you presented,
that of being known.
yes, it’s true that i was awash in your ways.
your own Logic piqued my own,
but ~
it’s only Me i can save.
i know i asked you to understand,
wanted a common language
built by our own hands.
yours, the Boy’s,
mine, the Girl’s,
simply, clasped,
safe.
i did not ask for Teacher,
or to be Student,
i only asked for Grace.
i loved the where, the time,
the things i found,
already in Place.
a soul is a soul,
not something we can even touch.
but it is there, nonetheless,
and only Some will allow you that much.
i saw,
and felt, in you,
a kindred kind.
i will always know you gave what you could,
~ at least for a time.
it doesn’t belong to me,
i only yielded.
i saw, i touched,
and entered a new realm of feelings.
where enough can just be -
enough,
where admissions, admonitions,
aspersions and exaltations
can all be discussed.
but only you can choose
to show or shield it,
hide, allow,
or anything you say you must.
it does not depend on me;
only you can give it ~
or take it away.
all i know is the Spell you spent here,
in this Place,
spoke the message that the best i can do   +is to not question,
but to simply relinquish your Embrace.
and perhaps your kiss,
goodbye,
as you took your leave,
echoed a small, felt tether,
emitted by me
from the longing inside
to stay together,
and you could not abide.
Heaven knows i’m not likely as clear
as i hope to be.
but to know Joy even exists in Another -
is Joy, enough.
to come so close says come in or bow out,
by breath,
by touch.
we know our own Selves
by the reactions we create.
and the ignition of the cognition that we,
you and i made,
only speaks that that lovely,
Ephemeral thing,
we name as Love.
i could choose to feel anything i like;
i could feel Foolish,
but that would only
wound my Pride.
No.
no, i choose to not feel much of anything,
but time,
and Place.
it was just a something so full of Glee,
i suppose it could not Remain.
we did so well.
to be within, while still being Without.
the busy-signal of the Universe
was just there.
No ill.
No doubt.
So i don’t know yet what will be
the next Plateau.
i only know i found a flooring,
upon which to grow.
for, if You came along,
then, wow! ~
what could be next for me?
i only know it grows,
and changes,
steadily.
what we hold ..
and let go of,
only brings us closer still
to the next thing we’re ready for,
without ever even having to project,
expect ~
or Will.
but, Aaah...
we none know what goes on,
underneath.
we only characterize what we see,
and what we perceive.
but to come so very close, inside an Align,
is to me,
a signal,
a sign,
of the more, and the morass
that God only has the power to design.
i love my Life so well;
it holds me True.
i have been granted a power
that i do my best to only imbue
with the laughter of the ridiculous,
mingled with the tears
of knowing Sin.
and a longevity that grants me many,
many more begins.
for a long time,
i wondered where i was supposed to land.
but ~
maybe that’s not for me?
maybe ..
i can only come back
to the Place
where i began.

~

Just Breathe.

It repeats.

..



12-23-2012/Re-Visit 2-14-18

Graphic:  Girl Standing; not Sitting, as Before. 

Views: 33

Comment by koshersalaami on Wednesday

This may be the most interesting take on being left I’ve ever read. 

Comment by The Songbird on Wednesday

Hullo, Kosh!  Thank you!  This came back to mind - from that new one, a similar experience, so I just reread it myself.  I can see that point of view in me better now, and it is a saving grace.  It's who I say I am, and live by, and I really don't have any hand in how the other perceives or plays it.  It's interesting that both those men I was involved with seemed constrained by it. I guess their endings weren't as abrupt to me, just inevitable, as - I still feel the same way!  Love'em both.  I can't un-know what's already been.  

Comment by koshersalaami on Wednesday

Assuming you’re not blaming yourself, this is pretty healthy.

Comment by The Songbird on Wednesday

Seems so!  I try TO find where I might be 'of blame,' or 'cause,' because that's the part that I CAN'T know unless someone outside me tells me, and I can make an adjustment.  We none know our selves without others.  I have been "Blame-Ed," for sure!  But once someone gets to that point, they're usually tussling with themselves, and don't wanna stick around to discuss it.  In fact, they get in a real hurry about it.  I would LOVE to, myself, but that would always have been better all along, not at Point B.  But, as spoken by Jack Nicholson, "Everything ends badly!  Otherwise, it wouldn't end!!"  

Comment by J.P. Hart on Wednesday

poet

considers

a little bit of no-ledge

hence songbird appears

a little ray of sunshine

Comment by The Songbird on Wednesday

Cute, JP!  I like that idea!  No-ledge knowledge!  Thankee! 

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