Open Call for Mandatory Testing and Quarantine for ATCV-1!

Science may have determined the root cause of Tea Party Republicans, Stupidity Virus Discovered: “A virus known to attack green algae in lakes and rivers can also infect human brains -- and it’s making dummies out of us...” 

“…The virus, called ATCV-1, can impair cognitive activity, learning and memory, essentially making a person who has the virus less intelligent, researchers in the U.S. have found…”

Evidence of the effects of ATCV-1 may be manifest in the brain of the journalist who wrote the copy of that last sentence and is further evident in the copy that follows: “Scientists discovered the virus accidentally while working on an unrelated study into microbes in the human throat.  Throat swabs drawn from study volunteers showed unexpected traces of ATCV-1 in their DNA.  Out of the 92 healthy adults screened in the study, nearly 44 percent of them had the virus, the authors said.

Study participants who had the virus performed around 10 percent worse on cognitive tests.  Additionally, researchers noted the presence of the virus was correlated with lower attention spans and a “statistically significant decrease in … visual processing and visual motor speed.”  While the virus is found in freshwater, there was no indication the only people who had it were swimmers and boaters. “These are agents that we carry around for a long time and that may have subtle effects on our cognition and behavior,” Yolken told Healthline.  "We're really just starting to find out what some of these agents that we're carrying around might actually do.”

Whatever those agents may be - catfish, crawfish, striped bass or watching re-runs of the Andy Griffith Show -

http://basementrejects.com/review/the-andy-griffith-show-season-1/

… it seems that the only prudent thing that we can do is to implement mandatory testing for ATCV-1 at all state borders and quarantine all those infected with the virus in the states of Oklahoma, Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee the Carolinas or Georgia.  Ebola may be scary but it can be treated and cured and it’s unlikely that you’ll contract the disease from a bowling ball.  ATCV-1 attacks the gene pool, results in the documented walking stupid and these people can vote!

Except for attributed photos and text, all content is copyrighted © 2014 JKM (an apparently ineffectual boilerplate joke?)

Views: 130

Comment by Arthur James on November 11, 2014 at 11:14am
`
THANKFULLY...
ANDY GRIFFITH
NO BE SOLD-OUT
THINK-TANK ILL!
AND HE FLY FISH!
HED ZIPS ZIPPER!
`
HE A ANGLER. ASK
CABBIE, ANGLER,
BUT NO BE WOOED
BY PAIN ` STINKS
TANKS ` O ' DUHS
MODERN ` O` WHORE!
Comment by Lois Wickstrom on November 14, 2014 at 12:46pm

Mentally handicapped people are entitled to vote. Since this virus does create a handicap, treating it should be covered by Obamacare.

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