Scanner & Sexy Sadie
I was supposed to have surgery this Thursday, but after a chest x-ray and a CT scan, it was canceled. You can probably guess why. Yep, it's time for the ScanMan to 'bite the dust. After going to my cancer doctor at the cancer center Friday, I was given the bad news. I think I took it pretty well. There were a few tears, but believe me when you hear you are going to die and there's not much that can be done, a few tears are appropriate I think. I believe I held up pretty well and so did Terri, better than I expected.
I've given this some thought. I've been in serious pain for over 15 years and to say I'm not tired of taking these goddamn pain pills everyday just for them to wear off so I can take some more is an understatement. I don't want to die, I'd really have to be an idiot to wish for that, but I am just so damn tired.
I hate this damn device I need to talk with, and now that I'm coughing-up blood every morning, it just keeps getting worse and worse. I don't know how long I have to live. We're going to try some chemo, which I really don't want to do, but I'm a fighter and always have been. I'm not going to lay down for this shit. I'm dying with my flip-flops on, as any hardcore card-carrying Hippy would do. Man, I do miss the late sixties and seventies.
So, I'm telling you about it because I have months to live, regardless, and I'm not through writing yet. I have a book of short stories I'm going to publish and I'm 43,000 words into my second novel. This book will be as twice as long as the first and I hope it will be funny and adventurous. I hope. I also hope I can finish it.
Please. Please, don't pity me. I have lived one helluva life, and have done more things in 61 years than most people have done in a hundred. I've been places and seen things that most people have never seen and have done things, both legal and illegal, sane and stupid, safe and very dangerous that should have killed me years ago anyway. I do not regret one thing I have ever done and believe me, I've done some stupid shit in my day.
So, that is my story. I will keep up with you all, or anyone who cares, as much as possible without getting too carried away. I'd hate to go out boring everyone. So until next time, here's a few death jokes to show you I will not lose my sense of humor, no matter how sick I get. Do me a favor, and don't lose yours either. I want to go out grinning and laughing and when Dr. Death comes to the door to get me, I may hide under the bed. Peace and Love my Friends~~~
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.
The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."
Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?
A: Curl Up and Dye.
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish. After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns.
Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"