One year ago today I was preparing for the final exam in Management Science. My dog Lance was stil alive, though failing. He probably was growing the cancer by now, was having real difficulty walking. His bed had been moved to the hall so I could keep a better eye on him. He was also "messing" in the house, though not urinating, so I was counting that as a plus. I was stressed because I wasn't accepting that he was failing.
This was 1-2 days before his last trip to the doctor in February...
He was still so alert, eating, present. Neither of us could accept we were getting close. We kept fighting, until I saw the x-ray. See his face. He was still alive inside.
Also one year ago today, the facelift on my house was getting finished. I think the contractor came back after Christmas to finish on the windows and doors, but it had been a long slog. Started in August with one contractor. He screwed around and didn't do the roof until October, then did stupid stuff with that. Started on a Friday, didn't come on Saturday like he said he would and blamed me for his starting on Friday. Very petulant. Covered the exhaust fan openings after throwing trash down them. Said his guys thought they were attic vents. Right. I had vents at the ends of the attic. Great big, huge, louvered, vents. Really hard to miss. But hey, I don't understand the male mind. So I got another guy to do the siding, windows and doors, after I ransomed the windows from the first guy. The second guy did a great job, but it was butt-ugly cold last December. Below zero wind chills. I had huge pieces of plastic instead of windows at Thanksgiving. Took forever to get this window squared away, literally. The hole was crooked.
But by the new year they were done and gone.
Lance was still sick, I was totally worn out, Puff was losing weight dramatically. She's hyperthyroid with a grade 4 heart murmur. Her thyroid is the only reason she hasn't expired from renal failure, so again, counted as a plus.
It was also the first holiday season with Mom in the nursing home so Dad was needing a lot of support. I was so tired.
So I slept. I took the spring semester off so that I could sleep. I slept during my lunch hour. I slept during the blizzard in February, which was Lance's last week alive. I slept during the summer. I have been sleeping for a freakin' year!
I'm thinking it might be time to wake up. You build the life you want. I really don't want to sleep through it.
I still really miss that dog. (12-16-2012)