OH . MY . GOD, Becky! We're All Gonna Die!!!!!!!!

You heard it here first, folks!  

Straight from God's lips to the ear of confirmed, documented and convicted liar, embezzler and all-around pervert, Jim Bakker...

Image result for jim bakker

We are all gonna die tomorrow from a solar eclipse because God is pissed about the "Obama years" because “Obama legalized witchcraft, sexual deviants getting married and schools started teaching transgenderism.”

I mean WHO KNEW???  I always though 'ol Barry was just another Wall St. shill and he really was powerful enough that God is still ticked off at him?  

Don't even get me started on Obama apparently "legalizing witchcraft" (Huh?  Obamacare accounting maybe???), letting 'sexual deviants getting married" (he must be referring to himself) and "teaching transgenderism" (you can teach that now? Where the hell do they hold "Learn to be transgender for fun and profit" classes?  Can you get a Masters degree in "How To Get Treated Like Shit For The Rest of Your Life" too?)


Then to top it off, Billy "The Douche" Graham's kid,  Anne Graham Loetz, tells us that we are all doomed!

“While no one can know for sure if judgment is coming on America, it does seem that God is signaling us about something. Time will tell what that something is.” 

She goes on to warn us, 

"The celebratory nature regarding the eclipse brings to my mind the Babylonian King Belshazzar who threw a drunken feast the night the Medes and Persians crept under the city gate...  Belshazzar wound up dead the next day, and the Babylonian empire was destroyed."


Image result for Babylonian soldiers

SOOOOO...  tomorrow, during the eclipse, if someone knocks on your door and says they have a "CandyGram" for you and when you peek through the blinds there are some dudes with sword and spears....  


Views: 132

Comment by lorianne on August 20, 2017 at 1:16pm

i dunno who this god dude is you speak of. Is he the same one i hear has anointed trump as the leader of the free world? if so, then i say hes not too bright & im not too worried.

Comment by koshersalaami on August 20, 2017 at 1:28pm

Exactly how long does she think we've known about the eclipse for? This is like God trying to tell us something because the clock strikes twelve.

Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on August 20, 2017 at 1:41pm

You two stop it right now!  Don't be blastfemuring here.  These two people regularly speak with god, dammit!  Do you think people would send them millions of dollars per year if they were charlatans or frauds?

Next thing you know, you'll be trying to say that they are idiots for supporting our Dear President, for christ sake!!!!

Opps...  I meant to say, "cripes"...  honest... dammit!

Comment by greenheron on August 20, 2017 at 1:41pm

It looks like Jim is having himself a Chris Cantwell moment. I like this mens rights thing. Cry all you want when arrested!

Funny you should bring this up. I was visiting a quirky sculptor this afternoon who has a sign posted in his yard that says "I don't need your help, but thanks anyway, and enjoy your day. –God"

Comment by greenheron on August 20, 2017 at 1:44pm

P.S. I live in Salem and don't remember Obama legalizing witchcraft. It's very legal. There's a touristy witch shop on every corner, like vegetarian restaurants in Berkeley.

Comment by Ron Powell on August 20, 2017 at 2:57pm

Do you think we could coax them onto a boat named 'Come to Jesus' and then cut them adrift halfway across to anywhere?

Comment by Boanerges on August 21, 2017 at 7:00am

Dear God:

I think these people are batshit crazy and should be put away somewhere. If you agree, please send us a sign. Maybe turn off the sun for a while.


Comment by Safe Bet's Amy on August 21, 2017 at 7:06am

::knock, knock::  Mr. Boanerges?  I've got a "CandyGram" here for you.


You need to be a member of Our Salon to add comments!

Join Our Salon


Happy Father's Day

Posted by Anna Herrington on June 17, 2018 at 7:30am 1 Comment

Mysterious Entities Part VI

Posted by Doc Vega on June 16, 2018 at 8:16am 0 Comments

A Father's Day Rhyme

Posted by Doc Vega on June 15, 2018 at 10:18am 0 Comments

Jill Ker Conway 1932-2018

Posted by John Manchester on June 15, 2018 at 9:46am 3 Comments

© 2018   Created by lorianne.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Privacy Policy  |  Terms of Service