Now that I have a family that I would happily die for, anytime, no hesitation you say the word and I will gladly give my life for your continued existence, it is just that damn precious to me...Now that I have this, I was saying, I think of my pal Cliff who was a fellow manic depressive.
He became a Mormon. Former stoner turned man of God. He was built to be a saintly character. Beautiful, like a canny Lorenzo Lamas mixed with a James Dean indifference . He married the love of his life, had three beautiful sons, went on and off his meds, in and out of hospitals, in and out of his marriage, until one day he slit his throat in a manic religious mania and died.
I saw him a month before. He said we oughta go to a movie. I said sure, but when he called back later that night I was not in the mood to be brought down by more of Cliff's self recriminations and feelings of inferiority and downright Calvinist theology.
I didn't answer. Now I am answering him: for I once envied his courage. To end a life made too miserable . Doesn't matter HOW the life got that way, whose f.ing fault it was, etc. It has,.to. end. now.
He missed out on a lot, is all I would tell him.