Now that I have a family that I would happily die for, anytime, no hesitation you say the word and I will gladly give my life for your continued existence, it is just that damn precious to me...Now that I have this, I was saying, I think of my pal Cliff who was a fellow manic depressive.

   He became a Mormon. Former stoner turned man of God. He was built to be a saintly character. Beautiful, like a canny Lorenzo Lamas mixed with a James Dean indifference . He married the love of his life, had three beautiful sons, went on and off his meds, in and out of hospitals, in and out of his marriage, until one day he slit his throat in a manic religious mania and died.

   I saw him a month before. He said we oughta go to a movie. I said sure, but when he called back later that night I was not in the mood to  be brought down by more of Cliff's self recriminations and feelings of inferiority and downright Calvinist theology.

   I didn't answer.   Now I am answering him: for I once envied his courage. To end a life made too miserable . Doesn't matter HOW the life got that way, whose fault it was, etc. It has,.to. end. now.

  He missed out on a lot, is all I would tell him.

Views: 355

Comment by Arthur James on August 30, 2015 at 10:55am


Sorry James M. E.

I gotta Honor. . . 

A PFC & a LT

from West Point...

Both patched me

and John P. Baca

up post BOOM!

a lethal grenade ...


Both Blew Head-

Skulls Off.... Self-

Murder - Note To

Myself - If it were 

not for the ordeals,

trials, harsh pains,

Life would never be;

? - Misfortunes steel

and temper, and even

more so strengthen us,

and Our resolve is more

so Fortified - paraphrase 

of a Ho Chi Minh - Prison

Poem -

I' ve know quite a few other

Veterans -

I no judge -

Life can reach a

maximum endurance

level. Sad and deep Sigh...


Comment by Arthur James on August 30, 2015 at 10:58am

`... '


and the Beauty We Now

See Could Never Be... I

Gotta Deliver 6- beers.

In Alaska the Walruses

are Threatened by Our

Neglect to Heed Global

Warning-Warming Signs.


Comment by Margaret Feike on August 30, 2015 at 11:07am

What would he be like now if he hadn't been successful and someone had talked him out of it. Do you think he'd still be going back and forth, looking to end a life 'made too miserable'?

Comment by JMac1949 Today on August 30, 2015 at 11:20am

Most folks who successfully end their own lives mean what they're doing. Especially those who never leave a note.  Once they've made up their minds, it's nearly impossible to stop them.  R&L

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 30, 2015 at 11:26am

tell the walrus misfortunes fall on us like drops of acid rain but we are clean inside, we have

inner defenses and resources and even if on e  is the choice or the possibility of choice to end a life too miserable to live

we must honor what we got, this free will

walrus already knows this, says

I am the walrus dumb hick farmer drunk on 6 beers supposed to deliver but got hijinked highjacked bby silly Midwesterner jme and force you to drink to sooth anxiety

at meeting the Walrus

coo coo cachoo

lordy god bless ya

Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 30, 2015 at 11:30am

Margaret, he would be stiff with the drugs he was supposed to take to quell the demons of recrimination in his head. they arrived there whe n he was a boy

he was in the car his mother died in ,

in an accident. lay in her dead arms, yikes.

he was stiff. unbending. economical in motion. hard nut to crack, but open him up I could

yet I did not that last time so shame on me.

Comment by koshersalaami on August 30, 2015 at 11:42am

It doesn't take courage

Glad you figured that out

Facing life takes courage

How old were his sons?

Shame on you why? You think he's dead because you turned down a movie?

Jan. 8, 2012, wee hours of the morning
Son couldn't get to sleep
I did everything I could to make him comfortable
I don't remember details. Probably massaged his muscles because they didn't let go by themselves. I did that a lot. Then, because it was late and I had to wake in the morning, I said "you'll just have to try to sleep."

Our last conversation.

I don't feel guilty about that. That's what I'd have done any other night and, truth is, it was any other night. It was just a night.

It is unreasonable to blame yourself for not being psychic.

So don't.
Comment by James Mark Emmerling on August 30, 2015 at 11:46am

ok ok  shame on me for shaming myself is what you are saying...

so two shames makes an unashamed I get it.

I didn't massage cliff's spiritual muscles that night, is what I didn't do.

I don't know how much I could have helped sure but I could have done something

and yes it was his free will and all to kill himself

or maybe not maybe you don't have free will there?

Comment by Arthur James on August 30, 2015 at 11:49am


I agree...

No blame....

We can forgive

Self and others.


a recall a political

Cartoon. VP Biden 

request Barack O's

endorsement. B.O.

wonders if that's a 

Reason VP Biden is

Often Walking Up

Behind Barack O 

when he's at his

desk, gardening,

weight lifting with

Michelle O, or just

Out on Golf course.


We all have Our Own

deep Personal Pains. 


Comment by Arthur James on August 30, 2015 at 11:51am



VP Biden 

gives Back

Rubs and

Plays the


Music as

he Rubs



and Back



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