I finally found a topic I felt I could post about without getting all caught up in nerves, in details-- an open call for summer reading books for kids. I spent a week thinking about it, thinking of how different we all are in our clan, and what did we find to be perennial favorites to read over the years? I scoured our bookshelves, I thought of all the sensations arising when I thought of summer, I thought of my title---Kids Summer Reading, the Flop on the Couch Kind.
The list developed --- in my mind, on scraps of paper, in the stack of books not to forget about piling up by the computer..
Finally, after realizing there never would be complete silence, there was no definitive book list, the nervous jiggles and flip-flops were not going to stop, nor was the pressing urge to get on with it --POST! , I clicked on "new post" and began typing.
Little kids first---the books I'd remembered getting the request, "Read again!" from my young ones, the ones that had been most loved at the pre-school I'd taught in, the ones that had entranced into stillness my most wiggily students with beautiful lyricism, or had brought out an enthusiastic smile from even the most shy.
Chapter books next--some from my own dusty memories into childhood summers, a couple that even my not-so-book-loving husband loved as a child, but mostly more current ones that our kids had loved--three of the most different tastes in reading kids. More were thought of as I typed, or stood in front of shelves trying to find the author of that one book I'd loved reading to my quiet #2 kid, or that hilarious one where the cousin arrives for the summer that was called...umm...what was that book? Where did I put that book box we haven't unpacked yet?
I included at the end the books that our family all read aloud to each other that one summer when we drove across country three times. Yes, three. While I'd avoided scholarly, socially conscious, historically interesting but definitely heavy books in the other sections---I was going for the Flop on the Couch books, Hammock and Humidity books, Splashed on at the Pool books--- this section included some of the titles enjoyed maybe only because we were in a car, away from peers, going on our own personal Odyssey. We were like pioneers finding new lands without Sacajawea as guide, we were a bit like a Topsy-Turvy family keeping crazy hours......by the end of that trip we felt more like Gullivers, tied up by our own little people.
At the end of three hours, my post was done. My first post! I proof-read again, as my dyslexic mind requires and discovered a minor typo that just needed a small editing...a double-click...and...where'd it go? What? What!? My post is...gone? Really??
My last sentence had read," Whew, I made it through my first post---thanks for reading!".
I felt a bit sick to my stomach for days when I thought back to those recommendations, I didn't have the heart to start over although I did try. The opening sentence wouldn't come, the comparisons to what I'd written before came in and clouded up my mind with sorry sad replacement words. I thought I'd start again at some point, and have here, although new words have come to me, not kids book reviews.
One benefit to having started to write again---disappearing beginnings or not--- has been the Coming Home inside of my own mind, exploring new territory and all the old familiar areas as well, noticing the changes, the neglected spots, the areas of complete renewal where the old has been hopefully erased altogether...and I was just poking around in the recesses for personal book reviews....almost hate to look further...but I'm so glad I've started.
Whew, I've made it through my next first post, thanks for reading!