More on Autism - Finally have my head on straight.

An excerpt from an email to Jo's dad. Because we all want the best for our daughter, but no one really knows what that is. In order for me to effectively argue the point to my boss that ABA therapy must be added to our insurance, so at least the question can be asked of the Board, I first had to get my head on straight about the therapy itself.


My mental-block to this process was the need to put aside my own frustrations that our society has no patience for kids anymore. The idea that my brothers and myself would all be sidelined as "disabled" today is infuriating. But the truth is, today's society and our lives require that we all work day jobs to support ourselves. There is no shame in not being the one to daily teach Josie how to be a citizen.
And accepting therapy for Josie does not make me complacent to what I view as wrong and offensive. We call it therapy so insurance will cover it, but in a previous generation, it was called parenting because parents were expected to have their kids ready for school. Now parenting itself is more standardized, with higher standards for parents and kids than when we were kids.  Kindergarten is no longer the transition to school, but school itself. At the same time, it is unrealistic for parents to be the ones to get their kids ready, because not every child has the same learning skills and not every parent has a degree in child development.   



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Comment by Arthur James on May 1, 2013 at 8:24am


You Look Normal.

You wear a scarf.

Wear Burka Too?


I wear a ball Cap.

Cap reads this:


Palisades Farmer Market.


I stuck a pin on it too:


It read this: Honest:




short for:


American Totalisator Company


Division of Universal Controls.


The Print is tiny. TOTE is to.

If You can read it You CLOSE.

It be Dangerous to KISS Too.


This Morn I Heard a Great Song.


She sang` Are You Strong

Enough To Be My Man?


Mozart listened to Bores,

Chairman of Boars, and

Violin, Strings, Frogs,

and Blue Birds, Cows,

and Mule Neigh` Moo.

Lawyers go Heehaw.

They dish it out too.

Go to cow flop fights.

Toss flat dry Paddies.


You be all right too.

Mozart lost his hat.

He Lost his head.


No eat pork chops.

You die of worms.

Who knows what?

Comment by alsoknownas on May 1, 2013 at 8:46am

Let me correct this statement for you : "There is no shame in not being the one to daily teach Josie how to be a citizen."

So that it reads : "There is no shame in not being the only one to daily teach Josie how to be a citizen."

Without the "only" in there it stills sounds to me like the commentors who want to blame the "educators"  for not teaching civility. Teach what you can, and do not expect teachers to be all either.

That attitude has really ticked me off this week. Boys will be boys, girls will be girls and dogs bite.

Comment by Arthur James on May 1, 2013 at 8:56am


back to no annoy, I hope.

I hope I no get speed ticket.

Cop haul me to a loco jail.


Wendell Berry's Book




I recommended it to:

lawyers, and mentioned:


to Sandra Day O'Conner


It was a Bush Era Book

Be careful. Discern.

Listen to Duck Quacks.

Comment by Jewellya on May 1, 2013 at 8:57am

From the parents' perspective, --or rather, mine-- we attribute our daughter's placement as a special needs child to our own failings in the Great Art of Parenting. The assumption being that if were doing it "Right", we wouldn't be in this mess. The sentence more specifically could read "I have no shame in not being The One to daily teach Josie how to be a citizen". ergo, I needed to get over myself before I can begin to attribute any of my child's success to those outside the family.

one step at a time, aka. It's a developmental delay within the parents too.

Comment by Jewellya on May 1, 2013 at 9:10am

You're not annoying me AJ, I'm fianlly at work showing off my bald-headed self.  The more I was comfortable with it--a tanned scalp helps-- the less the caps and scarves made sense.

Also--because I still think it's a hoot--I was out walking the trail yesterday with crowning glory unadorned, and a jogger made a pass at me.

"hey! you doing alright?"


"Looking good!"

*smile enough to break my face* "Thank you!"


I guess I could celebrate by changing my pic to reflect.


Comment by alsoknownas on May 1, 2013 at 9:44am


 Thanks for the response. Don't be too hard on yourself please. I did not mean to be.

 My irritation this week and actually on an on going basis, since my wife has spent 40 years working with these children in a public school setting, is with the arm-chair opinions of the uninvolved.

Comment by JMac1949 Today on May 1, 2013 at 10:47am

And more often than not both parents are working to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table.  My step-son works two jobs and his wife works full time and does business on Ebay just to be able to afford atwo bedroom apartment up here in Marin County north of San Francisco.  Many adult children and their children share the homes of their parents because the cost of housing has gone so far through the roof that virtually no one who just works for a living can afford to rent or buy a home.  With all that's on your plate "accepting therapy for Josie" despite your aversion to social institutions arbitrarily labeling your child as "disabled," is no reason to feel guilty.  You're doing the best you can with the cards that have been dealt to you, so do what needs to get done and take care of yourself so you can take care of Josie.  R&L


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