Love, Lust and Adjusting To Not Being A Young Babe Anymore

Cameron Diaz in a recent interview in a woman's magazine:

Do you believe in "dressing your age"?

I do, actually. But everybody's age is different, and by that I mean that even when you're a certain age, it's all a matter of how you present yourself, how old your spirit is, and where you are in your life. Some 50-year-olds are still 35. It's about expression and what they can pull off.

I liked her response as I've always skewed "younger" in appearance and who I dated, but I know one of these days reality will hit.  

Being 61, and single, I can reflect back philosophically and really I have no big regrets over the romantic decisions I made.  Yes, I'm not the happily married, mother, grandmother, but I am on pretty good terms with my ex boyfriends and the one ex-husband I'm in communication with, and have some loving relationships with godchildren and almost step-children.  

I was a late bloomer, and I have mentioned in another blog about my clumsy sexual beginning.  My sexual education was limited, and I couldn't even comprehend what the book Midnight Cowboy was about when I got my hands on it.  Fortunately, I did "get" the movie Shampoo, and that set the tone for my thinking sex would be fun.

Yes, there are certain responsibilities you have to take on when you become sexually active but I had kept up on everything with the help of Cosmo and Mademoiselle magazines so I practiced safe sex.  However, nothing prepares you for the various realities of other people's sex lives and who they perceive of as being potential relationships. 

Meaning, as a young woman in my mid-twenties to late twenties going out partying I would run into a college professor that I knew and be amused that he always "ran" with his younger, graduate student teacher's assistant who worked for him.  They basically "picked up" chicks together -- college-age women.  Looking back, I realize he wanted to skew "younger" also and had his young colleague help that out.

He and I became friends because I cut hair.  Not professionally, but it was a sort of ruse to meet guys.  I'd be at a party and see some shaggy fellow and suggest that I could cut his hair.  The fee would be either a six pack of beer or a bottle of champagne.  The smart money would be to bring over the champagne as I might be more open to getting romantic after drinking it and getting the hair cut out of the way.  

So Professor would always get me a bottle of almond flavored champagne when I cut his hair.  I must have requested it, but the actual brand I don't remember.  I just recently ran across a different almond champagne at Trader Joe's and bought it.  When I opened and drank for the first glass it reminded me of my Professor friend instantly.  

While I wasn't young enough to be his girlfriend I was shag-able which was plenty fine with me.  And I did do a pretty good job in the haircut department, too.  

Here is the Trader Joe Champagne:

So I suppose he, in his own way, broke the news to me that there is always going to be a younger babe out there.  This made me realize that I had to have something else to be a viable babe.   It is/was my sunny disposition, joie de vivre and a sense of humor toward the ridiculous.  This gives you a pretty optimistic way to go about doing things.  Yes, yes, you'll get your heart broken once in a while, if you're lucky, because, really it means you are a loving human being and you were in love.

As you get older you will also experience the shock of looking up a previous lover on "google" and find his obituary.  This has  happened twice and it's always a devastation.  The first time it happened I was in my early 50's and he was an early boyfriend.  We met at a keg party in 1977.  He was 19 and I was 22 (see, younger even then).  We had a very heady sex life and he was always sneaking me into Motel 6's by hiding me under the dash so the manager only charged for one person. 

Then he was called away as there was a family emergency.  That put the kabosh on everything.  (I didn't find out until later his father had died from a heart attack.  And he didn't know my brother died from leukemia about a year later.)  I would go to Kansas City to Worlds of Fun or something and try calling Jim when it was a local call.  I suppose I just looked him up by his last name in the phone book as it was an unusual last name. 

A couple of those phone calls and he finally relented and we did have a conversation.  Eventually, he was going to come visit me back at our college town in Kansas, but by then I had gotten engaged. 

After that marriage went bust I called him out of the blue.  He immediately made arrangements to come visit.  So after 3 years (gee, a lot of living can happen in three short years when you are young!!!!) we laid eyes on each other again.  Our romance was not to be as he wanted to get all serious and I had just gotten out of a bad marriage.

I had knitted him a wool sweater during our brief time back together and we met so I could give him the sweater after we broke up.  I can remember him saying, "Our timing was off this time.  Let's give it some time.  Maybe when we are in our 50s we can look each other up and see where things are between us."

So I was 50 and I found his obituary online:  he had died at 47.  He'd married and had six children, but gotten divorced and was engaged to some French sounding woman.  Hey, what happened to looking each other up in our 50's????  I guess that could  have still been in the back of his mind and he was just playing around with the French lady, and was going to look me up when that relationship was over.  But it wasn't too be.  That was a hard one.  I still have the t-shirt he gave me from the dormitory he had lived in when we first dated.  I don't have the heart to donate it to Goodwill.  Sometimes I think one of his sons would like it, but that would be really weird if I hunted them down to give them a t-shirt, wouldn't it? 

Meanwhile, when I drank the almond champagne I "googled" my old Professor friend.  He's still alive, but got charged with stalking a much younger former girlfriend who was an athlete at the college he taught.  Boy, his "Rate-My-Professor" rating went down when he got arrested during the last two weeks before finals.  Oops.  He's no young babe anymore either.

So, as I figure out this thing called getting older I get a reprieve of sorts as I met one 40-something last winter on OKCupid.  We had a fling briefly, but became friends and now he is my room-mate for the summer.  He's very good company and getting through his divorce and we've a nice comradery. 

And I'm having fun with a 40-something artist.  I know none of the 40-something relationships can be turned into an actual falling in love sort of thing as women are all too often reminded.  But being disappointed in love happens to men to as they get older, too.  Johnny Depp is going through it right now.  (Always a good blog post if you can slap a photo of Johnny Depp up at the end,right?)

I won't even bring up the 30 year old who was upset I wouldn't see him.  When he kept pushing to get together I asked him if he wanted to do a remake of "Harold and Maude?"  His last text was:

"Not quit sure who those characters are.  lol."

Views: 247

Comment by koshersalaami on June 29, 2016 at 8:09pm
Way to go.
I'm your age. Though married.
Comment by Dalriadane on June 29, 2016 at 8:47pm
Thanks Kosher! And thanks for reading!
Comment by Zanelle on June 29, 2016 at 9:24pm

I loved this post.  It was chock full of adventures.   I am even asked by twenty year olds if I like younger men online.  I sometimes chat with them as I feel I have lots to tell them about sex and they know nothing.  Married people dont have a clue as to what you are talking about.  I dont understand how that till death do us part stuff works...however I dont like just plain sex either.  A nice easy going thing where people are separate but equal makes sense to me.  That can happen with younger guys too because a traditional marriage is out so you just are together because you like each other and turn each other on.  Options.  Everyone needs options.  I adore freedom and yet it is lonely too.  Im getting some great sex but know I need good company too.  It is all a big journey.  Ships that pass in the night and some of the passengers mingle.  Being sexual is a good thing.  Why cant the world see that?

Comment by Dalriadane on June 29, 2016 at 9:31pm
Always I love your input Zanelle! Onward through the sexual fog!
Comment by Zanelle on June 29, 2016 at 10:36pm

I remember that movie Shampoo and it opened my mind too.  Now he and Annette Benning have been married for a long time and they are so cool.  Im glad he found someone to love who loves him.  He and his sister Shirley McLaine have such interesting lives.  I think we are all meant to live well.  As Aunti Mame says...life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.  I like that love stuff.  It would be fun to be crazy in love again but I think I know too much.

Comment by Rosigami on June 30, 2016 at 1:22am

Ms D, I love your approach to life. I am 61, too, with lots of stories, not all I would feel comfortable sharing, but let's just say that age has never been an issue for me. :)

Comment by Julie Johnson on June 30, 2016 at 4:52am

Dalriadane, I enjoy reading your posts also, and you have left such good comments on mine too. I apologize for deleting some whole posts where you commented, but I do think about them.  I've gone a different route in my life, and although I have no regrets either, sometimes being a 'happily married mother, grandmother' isn't all it's cracked up to be.  I can't say that out loud in the real world, people look so ....askance, is the best word I can come up with at the moment.  Not wishing for anything different, but dammit....there's always somebody else trying to take control of your life, and your feelings and your TIME.  That's a big one, the time.  I do envy you.  I'm getting older too, and they seem to think I'm ageless, or something.  They keep throwing more on me.  I'm not bad looking either, but damn...I feel like, and I can see it in the mirror.   I've aged 10 years in the last 5.  So, anyway just to let you know I've been reading...lol.  I threw away all my old 'granny panties', kept the reds and been putting just a touch of make up on in the mornings, before I head out.  It helps.  That, and reading fun posts.  

Comment by koshersalaami on June 30, 2016 at 4:56am
Shampoo was good but it was kind of about how a guy waited too long because of sex to get the girl he decided he wanted. I liked it because it was the first movie that showed me LA could be pretty.
Comment by Dalriadane on June 30, 2016 at 5:34am
Rosi I have no doubt you are doing just fine in love and lust department!

Julie, thanks for positive input and you know I get pulled in all directions, too! Feral cats and roommates needing rides aren't so different than kids, grands needing and think you can be at two places at once! Maybe being competent and loving has its punishments. I'm sure you're a hottie even if you're enveloped in white on here!

Kosher, yeah the hairdresser truly let the love of his life evaporate through his hands!
Comment by Julie Johnson on June 30, 2016 at 5:55am

*smiles* thank you!  We're all gonna make it, aren't we?  Love, love, love some strong minded women! 

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