Exactly twenty-two years ago today I mourned the death of Rob and Bob. It has taken twenty-two years for me to finally realize that we were indeed invincible. We created a bond that cannot be broken, even in death.

Long live Rob and Bob!  

I can still remember that first moment when I laid eyes on you. A voice whispered, “he’s the one!”  Every moment beyond that first moment has paid homage to the veracity of the voice’s prophecy.  

In our first year together we tried our best to imitate the examples of traditional marriages that existed all around us. But together we came to understand that something better existed outside that box. I am grateful everyday of my life, that together we decided to create a relationship based on truth and mutual trust. In that first year we chose our theme song, Closer To Believing, by Emerson, Lake and Palmer. “I need me, you need you, we want us.” 

Moving to San Francisco was our first big challenge. Together we came to understand the power of faith. We learned that together we could overcome any obstacles laid before us. We believed in the power of love. 

Through the windows of our Painted Lady Victorian overlooking San Francisco’s Castro district, we watched as one after another of our friends and neighbors succumbed to the epidemic. I was so proud of you when you started teaching yoga classes to people with AIDS at Sha’ar Zahav, on Caselli Street. Our hands on work with our friends and neighbors changed us both in ways we could never have imagined. Relentlessly facing death day in and day out is the greatest teacher!

It was your summer of study in Madrid that motivated us to give into our wanderlust. Without you, I may have never had the courage to fulfill my dreams of traveling the world. 

Without you, I may never have had the courage to sell all my belongings and move to Berlin to celebrate the reunification of Germany and the fall of the Berlin Wall. 

Without you I may never have had the courage to move to the south coast of Crete, in the Greek Islands to teach yoga classes in a 13th century castle ruins above the village of Loutro.

My dear Rob. For a decade after your death, I traveled the world searching for resolution to the incredible loss I felt when you left your physical body. As I look back now at the life I have lived in your absence, I have finally found peace. I no longer wonder what life would have been like had you not died. I wonder instead if I would be willing to give up all the experiences and love I found in the past twenty-two years in your absence. The answer is no! Everything I have received after you were gone, has been blessed by the fact that I knew and loved you. I watched you take your last breath. I knew it was your conscious choice to go when you did. I can only hope that when my time comes, I can go with the same kind of grace and wisdom you displayed in your last moments on this earth.



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Comment by koshersalaami on June 1, 2017 at 4:02am

Better to have loved and lost, as the saying goes

Comment by JMac1949 Today on June 1, 2017 at 7:45am

You are a lucky man and so was he.  R&L


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