"JARED KUSHNER'S FULL PLATE" - A Day in the Life of the *Bilkersons!

Everyone wonders what America's busiest multi-tasking Washington couple is like at home - well, I happened to get my hands on a transcript - okay, I wiretapped their Duvet & beat Obama to it!                                                                           

 JARED

 Do I have to?   

IVANKA

 It's your trash too.

JARED

 Let the nanny do it.

IVANKA

 She has one job.

JARED 

Pfft.  She should watch a professional - I can walk, chew gum & glare at Bannon at the same time!

IVANKA

Aren't those your socks on the floor?

JARED

I drop - let the elves do the rest.

IVANKA

How about that ring around the tub?

JARED

If I'm not mistaken - isn't that our ring?

IVANKA

Yes, babycakes, but who's gonna clean it?

JARED

It's all in the pre-nup.

IVANKA

Why have a pre-nup - you're my everything.

JARED

No, I'm your father's everything.

IVANKA

I have one complaint - after sex...why do you always say "Done & Done"?

JARED

Do I - how rude.  I guess I was thinking of my Israeli Peace Agreement, my speech at the unveiling of Trump's face on Mt. Rushmore & my Stand-Up routine at the White House Correspondent's Dinner.

IVANKA

But, you're not funny!

JARED

Well, I'm gonna be. 

Comic, Yakov Smirnoff & I are going to trade - he wants to lay low in our basement & I get his joke, 

"At the grocery store - Powdered Milk, Powdered Eggs, Baby Powder - What a Country"!

IVANKA

You know Russians too?

JARED

Pfft.  On our resumes; it's a pre-requisite!

IVANKA

How do you keep so many balls in the air?

JARED

Keep your eye on the prize...

IVANKA

What's that?

JARED

2020!

IVANKA

Is that when you'll take out the trash?

JARED

Women don't see the bigger picture.

IVANKA

I have dreams too!

JARED

Pfft.  You're the Elephant Whisperer!

IVANKA

Okay, we hold the Dems off for 4 years with smoke screens & retire in...

JARED

Where you wanna go Goldilocks?

IVANKA

I couldn't leave my father!

JARED

He won't need you anymore - let Tiffany have a shot.

IVANKA

She's already tried & missed!

JARED

Really - how many times has he changed his Will?

IVANKA

Let's see now - the Poison Dart, the Bear Trap, the Brake-less Mazeratti...20?

                                                                                                                                                      

***

* Reminds me of "The Bickersons" - (pre-"Honeymooners") - the old TV & Radio Show...you remember Radio, don't ya?  

Happy to say this article can also be seen in "Humor Times Magazine" but with more sex talk on 600 count spreadsheets! 

http://www.humortimes.com/60912/jared-kushner-full-plate/

Views: 36

Comment by Terry McKenna on April 17, 2017 at 8:52am

Great piece.  Was not sure where you would go, but the Bickersons is a good place to start.  

Comment by Ron Powell on April 17, 2017 at 8:59am

But what juicy tid bits did you get from the microwave oven? 

Comment by JMac1949 Today on April 17, 2017 at 9:12am

R&L

Comment by marilyn sands on April 17, 2017 at 10:58am

Thanks Terry!  I have a soft spot for "The Honeymooners" -  but you never know with Ivanka & Jared - they have so much money their options in life are different than us mortals.  She could actually "Go to the Moon" like Ralph wanted Alice to do!

Comment by marilyn sands on April 17, 2017 at 11:00am

Thanks Ron!  I found out the hard way - you can't microwave Caviar! 

Comment by marilyn sands on April 17, 2017 at 11:03am

Thanks jmac - I wonder if we'll ever find out what Jared REALLY does - besides keeping the secret of what's in Trump's Tax Returns!

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