"The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings."
- Kathleen Kelly, "You've Got Mail"
Three weeks after the announcement that it was going, it seems like Open Salon is officially gone.
I have to admit, long after I'd copied and saved all of my blog posts and the comments there, I kept going back and checking to see if it had disappeared.
And each time, I felt such a strange mixture of things. Grief, frustration, hope. Maybe they'd keep it going after all. (I especially felt this last one when the two week period we'd been told about ended, and Open was still there.)
But tonight, it's gone. And I don't feel the way I thought I would.
Maybe it's because I've already done my grieving. Maybe therapy helped (not that I started therapy because of Open going away, but it was mentioned). Or maybe it was a young-looking pigeon I tried to help as he stumbled on our sidewalk two nights ago, looking utterly lost, feathers soaked, blown about in the wind. I fed him, put out a box with a towel in it and a trail of food leading to it, and hoped he'd survive the night. But some part of me knew he wouldn't. I've become a seasoned pigeon watcher since adopting this city as my home, and I knew there were signs. I went out the next day and as Julien and I ran errands, I glanced at the sidewalk and in corners, forcing myself to look for his body -- but not forcing, expecting. And I found it.
I cried a bit, but I'd already cried. I knew. And it wasn't good, but it was all right. I understood.
And while that loss is on a different level and a very different thing, it's like some of that acceptance seeped into this other part of my life. Tonight, I checked Open by chance, looking to see if there was an easy way to copy a post I had up there (and had luckily saved to my computer), and it was gone. The cover won't load and any posts I search for directly can now only be viewed as cached versions. And it's okay.
I keep telling the boyfriend that I'm so glad for Our Salon. I can't imagine what it would be like not to have this community anymore. It's made the loss so much less. I've been blogging on two other sites, as well - but there's nothing like the community vibe that started on Open and crossed over and remains here.
So, it seems like Open is dead - at least for me. And it's okay.
What about you guys? Anyone else feel like this, or another way - shall we talk about our feelings? Do we need to?