Sorry I have been away for so long.
I wrote this a few weeks back and undoubtedly it is shit but somebody told me to post it.
Oddly, I am in a tizzy over propane…
I spoke to Him today and he said, go get a tank…
(got not a lot of money in a bank…)
I wondered briefly why we gotta get our own means to heat this place this new england winter.
Sure heat don’t come with all rents, but…usually there are means available in the place to obtain some heat, right? Or am I wrong?
And then, dear Meathole screamed about his toast the other morning.
See , He had prepared me a fine breakfast
With a less than satisfactory english muffin, so I said, innocently, only just awake:
“is there any toast?”
Turned out to be a Bad move.
His voice got huge volume. Remonstrating and chastising me…
I had only awaken, though: do you see what I mean?
I had a muffin but I wanted toast…is this a sin?
Well his reaction?I feared it sent sound waves
all down the Echo Chamber stone valley we live in now.
I feared what the neighbors might think.
I had a dream: I was in the Bahamas, too drunk to get up and catch the ferry .
(Still I was in the Bahamas)
Then I woke up, to a horrid message came from a friend.
He said someone said that on Facebook I look fat
And oughta lose weight.
I was hurt bad, cuz I know this fairy
( he is one) for fifteen years, he is my friend!
I love him.
I tried responding and he , a licensed therapist, said, cant talk now
Gotta take my pills and go to sleep .
Bomb throwers need their rest. Anarchists of the soul….
Next morning I still burning with betrayal, told him what I thought, how I felt
He says, no no, right now cannot respond, got a crisis.
I hate repeating myself.
I called a good friend and he couldn’t keep up with my venting.
I took him to task. Threatened to hang up on him.
He said, “for chrissakes you think at the speed of light, just like me, but goddammit gimme 1.5 seconds to catch up!”
I let him talk awhile , venting my fury at my so called friend.
Like for telling me I am not fat , I am beautiful.
I said firmly, “I am fat. I look fat. Shut up”
A friend is someone who never stops building you up, has no interest in tearing you down.
So is a lover I have heard.
My sister is being mischievous again.
She got my dad under her thumb.
She is spurting threats at me.
I suppose I should try to learn to just…lay back. Get easy.
These so called friends?I saw something in them once I suppose…
And… it is still there
a bit of time without me
to dump their shit into would do our relationship good.
I am gonna take a nap.
Life is exhausting sometimes…